Tracks & Trails
by gracefull-mess
Summary: Daryl's chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. The tracks were so clear. So obvious. But still he stared at them, thinking that there had to be more. This couldn't be it. She couldn't just be gone. Not like this. -Season 4 Fic-
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Denial**

He rolled over on the small bunk to face her after she woke him up.

She smiled at the movement and shifted her body to the edge of the bunk until he got himself settled on his side. He had finally learnt to just shut up when she done crap that got to him, like how she moved and stretched out next to him in the morning.

He knew if he started bickering with her, she would get annoyed and they would both be in a shitty mood all day. So he had to learn to pick his battles, ones he had a chance in winning.

This was not one of those battles.

She knew it pissed him off.

She did it anyway. Every single day. Until he just got used to it.

Daryl wondered if this was that rut thing people talked about. Because every day was the same.

He found himself feeling odd if she didn't brush her lips against his before she left in the mornings, if he didn't hear her worrying over stupid crap, feel her elbow digging into his back at night or watch her go through the messy cell looking for whatever.

Carol moved over until their bodies were pressed together again and placed her hand on the side of his face.

The cell door was locked and sheets hung across the opening, but the sounds of everyone outside always managed to kill the mood.

He tried to make her ignore the noise, just as he did every morning. He kissed her neck and ran his hand under her shirt and over her bare skin. He could feel her giving in when her fingers were knotted in his hair, pulling his lips to hers. Maybe today would be different.

Daryl wrapped his leg over Carol and moved her body under his in one quick manoeuvrer before quickly lowering himself onto her again. He pulled her shirt up and began running his tongue over her bare chest making his way down to her breasts.

"Carol awake?"

The sound of Maggie and Rick made his body drop onto hers in defeat "Jesus Christ".

He knew it was over when he felt Carol's hands that were gripping tightly at the fabric of his pants seconds ago, had flattened out over his ass. Hands that were now tightening around his waist and moving him off her.

He responded by dropping off her onto his side while she got up and started getting ready.

Daryl stretched out on the small mattress and watched Carol search the room for a brief second,

"it's under that pile of shit" he mumbled pointing to the mess on the small table. Carol turned lifted the dirty clothes up, revealing her knife as she did. Daryl watched with enjoyment as she her clenched jaw and bit her tongue as she went through his crap that was everywhere. Ignoring her when she picked up the broken watch and put it in her pocket. He would never admit it, but it pissed him off that she still carried a piece of Ed around with her. He kept his eyes off her until she sat on the edge of the bed and started putting her socks on.

"What she want?" he asked quickly trying to hide the fact that the tattered anniversary gift bothered him. "Told her I'd go with her to clear the blockage",

"We should rig something up, so that stops happenin" Daryl added pulling the sheet back over him. Carol nodded, leaning back on him as she finished doing up the buckles on her boots.

"You still going out today?",

"Mm hmm" Daryl answered as he ran his fingers over her back while she pestered him about being careful. "You hanging around for breakfast?",

"Nah, goin early. Be back before noon".

And that was that.

He lifted his body off the bed slightly as she leaned down and ran her hand over his exposed chest, using his body to lean on so her lips could quickly meet his.

Her eyes met his for a second, he was sure she wanted to tell him something or had something to say, but she seemed to shrug it off, and he let her.

She turned away when the voices filling the cell block got louder. Carol smiled at him and patted her hand lightly on his chest before getting up and leaving him alone in the cell.

Most days he would leave, whether it was with a group or alone. He was always out getting supplies, scouting new places to raid for them, hunting or setting traps. So he had gotten used to skipping breakfast, wanting to leave and be back as quickly as possible so she wasn't here stressing out over him getting stuck out there again.

He walked down the path towards Sasha and Michonne who were talking by the car, waiting on him.

He couldn't help but look across the yard at Carol.

He had already caught her eye and smiled at him when she did, but then went back to leaning into the big water drum and talking to Maggie.

Daryl noticed the group of walkers by the stream was growing, he just assumed that they decided to put it off until tomorrow and that Carol had been dragged from their bed for nothing.

He checked her out one last time before getting into the car with a grin. There was always tonight.

* * *

As soon as he got back, Daryl wondered through the courtyard where everyone was eating lunch. He looked around, expecting to see her cooking or serving like usual but instead he only saw Beth and Karen. He stopped for a brief second and looked around before heading into the cell block.

He headed up the stairs to their cell and pulled the sheets across. He only had to look around for a second to realise she hadn't been back to there.

Over the last six months she had gone with him to check the snares. They would eat lunch together and slowly walked the trails they had made themselves.

They never caught much in the small traps, but still he would set them every time he hunted. He liked the walk and the time alone with her and she seemed to enjoy getting out. So he wondered why she wasn't waiting on him to leave like usual.

He walked back down to the courtyard and saw Rick standing across from Maggie while they ate. He approached them quickly but continued to scan the area for her. "Hey, how'd you go this morning?" Rick said squinting at Daryl through the beaming sun. Daryl rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. "Yeah the place looks good, we'll take a group out in a day or two", Rick nodded, happy with the successful scouting trip and began making a plan for going in to the store. Daryl looked around again and couldn't help but think about how odd it was. "Hey" he said nervously interrupting Rick, "You two seen Carol?".

"She's not in her cell?" Rick asked obviously worried. Rick continued to explain that he hadn't seen her all day when Daryl watched Maggie look over her shoulder to the stream and back to Daryl. "You two go out there?" Maggie shook her head. "No we couldn't. There was too many".

"You think she went out there alone?" Maggie's eyes dropped in a panic searching the ground for an answer, "I don't think I've seen her since this morning."

He didn't have to hear anything else from them, he ran down to the fence with Rick and Maggie close behind. He began undoing the wire as Rick and Maggie caught up to him. The three of them jumped out the opening and began taking down the walkers that were scattered around them dangerously. Daryl looked over as two more began approaching quickly, "Go. We got this" Maggie demanded. Daryl looked over to see Maggie and Rick covering him so he could make his way down to the stream.

Daryl ran down and seen the hose sitting in the mud.

* * *

Daryl's chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. The tracks were so clear. So obvious. But still he stared at them, thinking that there had to be more. This couldn't be it. She couldn't just be gone. Not like this.

"What?" Rick asked cautiously making his way to his side as he followed her tracks into the woods.

Daryl's hand reached out pointing to the tracks, "over there. she got dragged off"

* * *

He followed the tracks that only got worse and worse. He could see where she had struggled free. Where the man caught her again. He could see that she had been dragged until their tracks met up with another mans, and hers just disappeared.

They had carried her through the woods to a car parked by the road and that was it. She was gone.

Daryl could hear the panicked broken sounds erupting from his chest and feel his hands shaking and struggling to hold the crossbow as Rick caught up to him.

What do I do

what do I do

what do I do

Rick followed Daryl's panicked gaze to the tire tracks and his hands instantly raised to run through his hair as he turned away from them. Rick reached out and grabbed Daryl's arm harshly, yanking him back into reality, "We have to get a car", and Daryl looked around. East. That was all he knew. He nodded and turned back running to the prison.

* * *

The first night they just drove. Daryl and Rick were in the first car and Maggie and Glen in the car behind them. Rick hadn't said anything to him other than planning the next stop and repeating that they would find her, repeatedly until he was saying it with him. Like it could change anything. Even as the words left his mouth they sounded like a lie. Like he was playing a role and reading lines. He was stuck in a nightmare that she would soon wake him up from.

They slowed down near trails looking for recent tracks, checking houses and cabins that they knew were close by the prison. But they were losing the light and the adrenalin that was keeping him going was wearing off and was now being replaced with an overwhelming sickness that began tearing him apart quickly.

Rick and Maggie laid the map out over the car and Glen began running his finger down it, explaining what he thought the next best move was.

Daryl stood watching them all holding arms across his stomach, wanting the pain to fuck off.

"What about that cabin" Maggie said pressing her finger firmly to a spot close by. "He might have gone there" Glen agreed, "we could check that burnt out farm on the way"

"They" Daryl choked out cutting Glen off, the three of them froze and looked at him confused.

"What?" Maggie asked waiting for him to continue, Daryl's arms tightened as he leaned forward to speak, his voice breaking as he did.

"There were two sets of man's tracks and they both got into the rear passenger door with her, which means there's was probably a third one in the car waiting on em".

Maggie suddenly started rolling the map up and shoving it under her arm. "We have to go", she almost shouted at them as she got back in the car.

* * *

By night fall Daryl felt like he was spinning, all the air was leaving his lungs as they pulled over to swap drivers. He wondered if rick could see him braking down, because he insisted he pull over and let him drive the rest of the way. Daryl watched the fuel gage in between scanning the area. Glen and Maggie already turned back an hour ago because they were running low on fuel. They had emptied the drums stashed in the car boot and now it was just the two of them driving in silence.

Daryl could see Ricks jaw clenching, knowing that they were running out of time. They hadn't spoken about it, even when Glen and Maggie said they had to turn back.

Rick and Daryl just quietly got back in the car and drove.

But now Rick's hand was hitting the steering wheel as he began turning the car around. Daryl couldn't help but stare at him like a little kid. Like Rick was the adult and he was meant to know how to fix it.

"Maybe Glen's right. Maybe it's the governor and if it is he will just hold her because he want something. Probably Michonne. And if that's true, their all home coming up with a plan right now." "You know it's not him" Daryl barley mumbled as Rick started driving down the empty road.

They kept looking out for a sign, anything.., as they drove back but it was all shit they had seen before, no signs or traces, nothing new.

It wasn't the Governor and he knew it. Another group from the prison that headed out in the other direction, towards Woodberry. But he knew what he saw. He knew they would come up with nothing.

Daryl and Michonne had both been chasing after him for months, the trail might have gone cold, but it was after he was alone and very far away.

Rick knew all this, but he was still trying to feed him the crap.

The spinning got worse as he realised what Rick was trying to avoid. Time for him to think of all the possibilities. But now there was nothing left for Daryl to occupy his thoughts with. No places to search the map for. Nothing but the road that would take them home without her.

Suddenly the only thing he could think about was what was happening to her. Why a bunch of men would just snatch a woman from her fuckin home… "PULL THE FUCKIN CAR OVER" Daryl yelled, his hand clutching the door handle in anticipation. Rick followed the command, looking over his shoulder as he pulled off the road, "What?" Rick demanded scanning the area and grabbing his gun as Daryl quickly threw himself from the car.

Rick undone his seatbelt to chase after him but there was no point. Daryl had only made it two steps out of the car before he started vomiting on the side of the road. He wondered, as his sweaty palms leaned into knees to hold him up, if he could live with this. If this was it, if that was all they got of the rut they built. She was going to die one day. He knew they all would. And it was always going to hurt.

But this.

Like this.

He desperately tried to remind himself over and over that she was not that scared women anymore, she could handle herself. But it didn't work. She was outnumbered by men who had the jump on her.

Rick didn't say anything when he got back in the car and Daryl avoided looking at him. He just stared out the window as they got closer and closer to the prison.

"I should of walked over" the words just fell out of his mouth as Rick turned to see Daryl lost in the thought, "What, when?",

"Before I left. I saw her, I didn't go over.",

"I don't think she would have minded" Rick assured him, his voice remaining calm and firm as he spoke.

"Just a fuckin asshole …." Daryl stopped, shaking his head as he ran his hands roughly over his face before he could say anymore.

"We just need to get some supplies. We don't have to stop there for long" Rick explained, surprising Daryl when he did. They had been on the road for more than twenty-four hours. He was sure Rick was going to have to stop for sleep and he would have ended leaving him behind. But it wasn't the case, he could see the determination in his tired eyes. He had no plans on sleeping, for which Daryl thanked god, just the thought of returning to the prison was enough to make him want to be physically sick again. He couldn't even let himself think of trying to sleep.

He couldn't let himself go in there and get in their bed. If he went in there it would all be over. He knew it would brake him down.

* * *

He opened his eyes and looked up from the backseat of the parked car. They were at the prison, Rick still in the driver's seat, fast asleep. He wondered when they had finally passed out. The part of him that instantly got mad at him for bringing them back here, vanished when he realised, that he didn't know where it was he wanted to be.

Daryl sat himself up and looked around the yard. Most of the cars were still gone, everyone was out looking for her. They had all just been wondering around blind and lost for four days now.

They knew for sure it wasn't the governor now, there were no messages or trades offered for her. Daryl knew it all along, but a part of him always prayed he was wrong. The governor didn't know her, he would only want to use her to get to one of them, Rick or Michonne.

Daryl looked at the prison and couldn't bring himself to go in there. He had barley stepped foot in there in days, because he honestly didn't know what he was meant to do when he was in there.

Daryl got his crossbow and bag, then quietly removed himself from the car, leaving Rick to sleep. He decided there had to be something out there, some kind of clue left in the woods from the men who took her.

* * *

He followed what remained of the faint tracks, back to where hers disappeared. The second man that arrived and helped the first man get her to the car, had to have come from somewhere. So he began following them until the tracks were to faint to see, it had been left too long but he didn't need them anymore.

It became clear after a while of being out there, that the men had probably just stopped to hunt and found all the snares and traps set. He knew this because the snares were empty and all traps he had collected had been taken. They were following the trails he and Carol created on their walks around the prison, all of them leading back to where she had been taken.

After Merle died he was out there every day, at first waiting for the governor, then just wondering around in the woods outside the prison. She had begged him to stop. She told him he wasn't thinking clearly, but he just ignored her. He walked off on her constantly.

He wanted her to leave him alone and he told her so, but she just started following him into the woods and refused to stop. And like all the other annoying shit she done, he eventually got used to it and found himself looking for her before he left.

She was good out there, quiet and smart. She watched him track animals, asking him what he was looking at. He showed her what to look for, how to follow the tracks. But she never trusted her instincts, she always had to double check with him, always following behind him when she could easily have been leading.

* * *

Daryl found himself on his knees, carefully moving the twigs and leaves aside again, to memorize the prints left in the dirt from one of the men. He wanted to make sure he knew every little detail.

This was it, he thought. Being out here, tracking ghosts. Always thinking she was just around the corner. Or wishing it anyway.

He looked at it and knew he would remember it forever. He'd see the marks left in the dirt from them every time he closed his eyes. He wondered if the dreams would eventually intertwine with the ones he had about being out there looking for Sophia.

They had to right?. He couldn't find the girl and now he had lost her mother. And he didn't know what was happening to her.

He couldn't distract himself from that thought, it was killing him. He wanted to focus on the trail, focus on the signs. Fuck, focus on anything but that.

But he couldn't lift himself off his knees. He couldn't stop himself from digging his hands into the dirt, destroying the man's tracks like it would somehow hurt him. Like he could somehow feel the rage he had in him. That he would know what he was going to do to him, when he finally caught him.

He could feel the tears filling his eyes, his chest and throat stinging. But the feeling of breaking down only snapped him back. He fiercely shook his head and stood to his feet, groaning and running his hands down the side of his face as he did. Forcing the switch inside of him to shut off again. Forcing himself to be numb.

* * *

Daryl made his way back to the prison, the small amount of sleep he had yesterday in the car was only just enough to keep him going through the night. He had been circling the prison, moving further and further out each time. But he didn't find anything that would help them find her.

As he made his way up to prison, he could see Rick walking through the yard to the car. Rick didn't wait to talk to Daryl and see what he wanted to do. He just got in and threw the signal to open the gates.

Daryl waited until the car got close and walked at it, watching the gates close behind him, knowing a walker was approaching. Rick waved his arm urging him to move faster. Daryl made no attempt to run from the walker that was running at him. He let it come right next to him, grabbing a handful of the walker's shirt before shoving it back so hard that it fell down, giving him enough time to get in the car.

Rick wanted to ask what he was thinking until he got in and he could see that he was beyond exhausted and covered in dirt. Realising he didn't have the strength to fight them off or run anymore.

* * *

"What's this?" Daryl asked pointing to the red marks that had recently been added to the map. "Michonne" Rick said quietly not taking his eyes off the road as he spoke. "She gave us all new routes, planned out the next few days", He could hear it in Ricks voice, he had given up.

Daryl realised Rick hadn't even said Carol's name once the entire trip, like he knew she was already gone. The fury building in Rick continued to grow, but now they were out here looking for something to kill, they were here to play the executioners, not the saviours.

'She's fuckin dead and he knows it' Daryl thought watching him drive knowing more now than ever, that he needed Rick. He needed him to be positive and tell him lies, repeat that bullshit he had been chanting for days. But he didn't. They had barely been able to bring him back after Lori and now Daryl could see that same cold and bitter look in his eyes. Rick couldn't help him anymore, he just wanted revenge. Wanted blood.

* * *

They had been on the road for days before Rick brought him back to the prison, convincing him that everyone was out looking for her and he needed to sleep. There was nothing he could do that wasn't already being done.

He walked slowly and quietly through the cellblock in the darkness.

Finally making his way to their room. He couldn't believe how tired he was, how he was too exhausted to fight it anymore. He couldn't hold it together and he couldn't keep running around trying not to think about her for a second longer. She was all he wanted to think about. He wanted to fall into the despair and drown in it.

He pulled the sheets across the door and stumbled through the cell, his eyes filling with tears as he fell into their bed.

He couldn't stop himself from crying, he could smell her in the sheets and that alone made him want to crawl inside the bed and die there. He gripped the mattress as the groans burst from his chest. 'NO PLEASE NO' he yelled over and over in his head as he pressed his face into her pillow muffling the sounds of his sobs.

'I'll do anything. Just don't fucking let this happen'.

He wondered when the last time was, he had prayed to god. He was sure he done it when he was a kid but he couldn't remember falling to his knees and asking for help, begging for it. It always seemed pointless to ask something of someone he didn't believe in, something he always knew was bullshit.

But here he was. Pulling at his hair, the sheets, his face, everything. This was all he had left, in some desperate attempt to drag her back to him in some way he doesn't understand.

Soon even her smell would be gone he thought, then she'd turn into a memory. Something distant in the back of his mind that he craved after and longed for. He knew the time that they got together would seem like a dream, which he would have to convince himself was real. That someone loved him like that. That he loved someone like that, when he was so sure he didn't have it in him.

He knew who he was with her, he knew what he wanted to be.

But this. This thing wailing around on their bed, moaning like an animal. Crying out her name. He didn't recognise this person, the sounds or the feelings, he didn't realise that life without her would be a hundred times worse than life was before her.

A part of him hated himself for ever being with her to begin with, it wouldn't be this bad if he hadn't of let everything get so serious between them.

Something about the prison made them think they were cut off from the world. That they were shielded from everything happening around them, the chaos growing outside those fences was becoming almost invisible, silent.

He made the decision to let go of all of his crap. He forced himself to believe that she wouldn't leave him and forced her to believe that he wouldn't reject her, and he did that by relentlessly pursuing her.

How could he not of seen what he was setting himself up for.

It was on him, he'd done it all to himself.

He had kissed her while they were on watch in the tower, then he did it again in the woods, when she wouldn't bring up the first kiss.

He snuck into her cell every night, until there was no point in sneaking anything from anyone.

That was all him. He had chased her. He was sure he needed her to survive and now lying here without her, he knew he was right.

Everything inside of him twisted and ached and he found himself wondering what it was he would have to do to make it stop. What would make it quiet again?

* * *

Daryl woke at 4am, waiting for her elbow to dig into his back or feel her hand run over his waist. But the absence of it all stabbed something inside of him. Suddenly the bed was huge.

He forced himself to roll over and look at the empty space, he ran his hand over it for a moment before it squeezed the fabric of the mattress, using it to pull himself to his feet.

He stumbled over to the small table she had all her shit set up on and without a second thought he dragged his arms across it, crashing everything onto the floor. He grabbed her clothes and threw them through the room, kicking at everything that was in his way as he stormed out, stopping only to get his crossbow and gun.

* * *

Daryl could hear Rick calling out to him as he left the prison yard, but he didn't stop for a second. He ran as fast as he could into the cover of the thick woods surrounding them.

It was still dark as he walked along the trails, moving out more and more, covering every inch that surrounded the prison. Again.  
He looked at the ground and listened for walkers, seeing nothing more than his own tracks from the day before, as he moved deeper into the woods.  
He moved quickly so that he could get past all the trails they walked together, so he wouldn't have to think about things she said and did when they were there. So he could stop himself from seriously considering, pulling the gun out and blowing his brains out, right here and now. Just to make it quiet.

* * *

Daryl knew Rick would be waiting on him so they could go. He decided he would walk in through the opening they had wired up on the side fence, just so he wasn't backtracking to the front of the prison once again.

The further he made his way around, the more walkers seemed to be lingering in the area, there were too many of them. He scanned the woods wondering if he should turn back when he saw the odd pile of dead walkers on the ground in the distance.

He instantly lifted his crossbow and looked around him, turning in circles. He was almost sure he had gone this way the last time he was out and seen nothing. He drew the attention of the walkers close by and dropped his crossbow, working to take them down as quietly as he could with his knife, helping them fall to the ground carefully.

What if they were going to come back? Try and take more of them. He lifted the crossbow again, holding it tightly into his chest, every muscle in his body tensed as he readied himself for whatever was about to come next.

He got closer and closer to the bodies looking around the woods as he did. Thinking they had to be out here watching him. They were hunters, they knew how to be quiet. He looked down over the crossbow wanting to get a better look at the bodies on the ground in front of him.

Within seconds of seeing her tracks around them he saw the familiar buckles on the boot sticking out from under the pile of bodies. A high-pitched panting noise burst from his throat as he dropped the crossbow to his feet and threw himself down. He dragged the walkers back one by one until there was nothing but Carol lying there in the dirt surrounded by them. She was covered head to toe in the walker's blood and guts, so much that he could barely tell it was her.

But it was her.

It was Carol.

Unconscious.

But alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Anger**

He hovered over her, feeling his jaw trembling as he ran his shaky hands softly over the sides of her face. He made no attempt to wipe all the thick, drying blood of her. He would have to carry her out of here, his mind raced through the hundred different ways he could get her back home, but there was only one safe way he could think of.

Daryl's head snapped from Carol's to the freshly killed walkers, without a second thought he moved quietly over to the closest one. He took a few fast, rough breaths preparing himself before he pushed the knife into the flesh, dragging it down the stomach of the rotten corpse.

They've all done it, he thought. Glen, Rick, Michonne and now Carol had.

He inhaled deeply and held the breath as he pulled the knife out and quickly reached his hand into the body. He started grabbing at its insides, blindly, ripping them out so he could press and smear them all over his body.

He thoughtlessly kept going, until he was sure his clothes were drenched. He reached in to the carcass as far as he could and soaked his hands and arms in the walker's blood so he could start rubbing it into his skin. He kept going until he was completely smothered in it and he could smell nothing but the dead anymore.  
The adrenalin pumping through his veins had his heart pounding and his hands trembling as he roughly slung the crossbow onto his back, along with the unfamiliar bag that Carol had hidden with her.

He knelt over her and looked from side to side, scanning the area again to see if any of the walkers had spotted him moving around as he slid his arms under her. Waiting to see if the men who took her, had followed her here, and were just waiting to pounce. The thought made him want to move as faster. He quietly lifted her blood-soaked body from the ground into his, with one fast movement.

He brought himself up right carefully, shifting her around in his arms so he could hold her as carefully as he could, knowing she had to be injured. She was so close he could feel her breath hit the wet skin on his neck, as the weight of her small form was pressed into him. It was like a dream, a part of him waited to wake in their cell, without her. But the smell of the blood made him realise this had to be real.

* * *

She was slipping in his arms as they got closer. Walkers were nearby and he felt like they were watching him, realising what he was.  
He had to try and get a better hold of her, needed to shift the knife that was attached to her waist, adjust it so it wasn't digging into him.

He moved behind some trees so he was hidden away from the walkers that wondered the trail ahead of them. He attempted to take a step back when he realised his foot was caught in something. As soon as he realised his foot was caught he lost his balance, falling back as he tried to untangle his boot from the root. He braced himself as his back slammed into a tree trunk. It had stopped them from falling but the weight of the two of them crushed the crossbow into his shoulders, jamming it in between the blades. The pain threw him to his knees and he sealed his mouth closed. The throbbing ache caused a growl to erupt through his chest, threatening to leave his lips, ready to draw attention to them if he dared to opened his mouth and let sound escape.

He stayed there on his knees for a few seconds, breathing out rapid breaths, to ready himself for the pain that was going to come as soon as he stood.  
He rose slowly and started again, his jaw clenched as the pain got worse, but no matter how much it hurt, he had to keep going.

He could barely breathe or stand by the time he made it back to the prison. He looked around at the walkers that had followed him here. Watching as they started making their way to the fences to join the small clusters, none of them noticing he separated from them to make his way to the driveway.

He carefully leaned his hip and leg into the rough bark to help support him while he adjusted her in his arms, trying to relieve the pain that was spreading through his shoulders.

He watched the tower and waited until he could see Sasha make her way to the railing. This was his chance, he spat out the blood and sweat that was running over his lips into his mouth, whistling as soon as he did.

Daryl prayed she was just looking through the scope of the rifle and not preparing to shoot. When she was suddenly gone from his sight. Listening as she desperately called out to Maggie.

Daryl kept his pace smooth and slow no matter how hard it was, a part of him wanted to fall to his knees and just hope the girls got to him in time.

The walkers were focused on Sasha opening the gates, then Maggie running through them to cover him, so that this journey could finally fuckin end.

The few walkers that weren't taken down by the traps were quickly killed by Maggie. She moved around Daryl protecting him as he stumbled through the gates.  
He finally heard the fences close behind him, Rick yelling his name and someone else calling out for Doctor 'S'. Rick approached him just as the weight of her in his arms and the crossbow on his back became too much, right when he was seconds away from dropping her.

He could feel Maggie trying to brace and steady him as Rick finally got to them.

Daryl tried to step in his direction, almost falling forward as he did. He pushed Carol's body into Ricks chest harshly and he responded by instantly taking her from him.

Rick watched the pain cover Daryl's face, as he suddenly began pulling at the strap of the crossbow and dropping it. Soon after he tossed the bag to the ground, quickly hunching his body over, so he could lean into his knees. Rick seem to be stunned staring at him,  
"Go" Daryl demanded with a growl, waving his arm as he dropped to his knees.

* * *

Daryl's eyes watched the Doctor, waiting to see if his expression changed as his hands moved all over Carol's body looking for any damage.  
Daryl sat on the edge of the bed helping Caleb roll her body on to her side so he could check her back.

Rick passed him the wet bloody towel again to smear as much of the blood as he could, to give Caleb a better look, but it never revealed much.

He ran his fingers over her ribs, inspected scrapes and bruises, finding more and more as the protective layer of dirt and guts was removed. Daryl noticed that Caleb didn't seem to be worried about any of it. "Well" Daryl questioned when Caleb fell silent. "She's going to need some stitches" he answered, puzzled as he kept his gaze locked on Carol.

"Stitches?" Rick asked in disbelief.

Caleb's brow furrowed, "There's no breaks, no signs of internal bleeding and no bites",

"So, she's alright?" Daryl asked urgently, needing to hear it.  
Caleb told him that they would know more when she woke up but that he needed to relax, Daryl let him finish but scoffed in response. Was he fuckin serious? Relax.

He looked over his shoulder to Maggie, Rick and Hershel, thinking at least Rick would be with him. But all the anger had vanished from his eyes without warning. The face of the farmer was back, irritating him, he wanted the cold-blooded killer.

All of them dropped their heads, obviously agreeing with Caleb making his jaw tighten in frustration. He wondered how obvious it was, could they see he was already two steps out the door.  
He knew he would be able to follow her tracks back to where she had come from, there would at least be something. He could go in the morning and finally have something to fucking follow and he could finally get his chance to kill them all.

* * *

Eventually they all left to let them rest, but Daryl wondered if it had more to do with the suffocating smell that had filled the small cell.

He sat on the ground by the bed leaning up against the wall as he held her hand in his. Mesmerized by how it looked, still trying to convince himself it was real.

He didn't know how much time had passed when Rick wondered back in, holding the bag he found Carol with.  
"Did you look in this?" Rick asked keeping his voice low holding the bag out. Daryl's free hand ran along his chin as he lightly shook his head. He was barely able to keep his eyes open, he was so exhausted, but beneath that was a fuelling rage, that was ready to spill out and he was sure now that Rick could see it.

Rick knelt in front of him and put the bag on the ground. He unzipped it and began carefully pulling out the knives and boxes of bullets, and gun after gun, placing them on the ground until there was a pile of weapons filling the space between them.

The finger Daryl had running along his chin anxiously had frozen in place, shocked as he looked at all the weapons.

Daryl sat confused, watching as Rick began opening the boxes of bullets, showing him that they were all full. He moved in close to make sure Daryl was listening, opening the final box, pushing it towards him. "There's a possibility, that there is no one left out there to look for" Rick said firmly as Daryl's eye's left the bullets and looked up at him "They didn't just give her these Daryl. She took them."  
Daryl starred at him, considering the possibility. "All I'm saying is wait until you talk to her before you leave. That's it."

* * *

Daryl woke in the dark cell on the floor. He was still half asleep as he reached both his arms out, attempting to stretch out the stiff aching knots in his shoulders, that only seem to have gotten worse since they got back to the prison.  
He grabbed a hold of the bed railing, using it to drag himself to his feet.

He reached down to run his hand over hers once more, assuring she was actually there, before he pulled his body onto the top bunk, falling back to sleep as soon as his head hit the mattress.

* * *

Daryl's eyes flew open from the deep sleep but the silence had him thinking he had dreamt the sound. Within a second it returned and he could hear her coughing uncontrollably in the bunk below, trying to catch her breath.

Daryl moved to quickly, forgetting how high up he was. He stumbled of his mattress, landing awkwardly on the ground.

He tripped forward into the bottom bunk, pressing his hand into her mattress to stop himself from falling on her, when her body suddenly sprung up and moved behind his in the dark.

Before he could think, she threw one arm over his shoulder and dug her nails into his chest, dragging him onto the mattress. The other arm was around his neck, pulling his body back into her, more violently then he ever thought she was capable of. Something cold and hard pressing to his neck.

She pressed the knife into his throat so hard he was sure she was only seconds from slitting it.

"Carol", Daryl's voice shook as he choked out her name, making her whole body go stiff.

He could feel her struggling to breathe behind him, as her chest heaved into his back. She was horrified, keeping it pressed hard against his skin as she panicked.

"Carol it's me"

"It's me" he repeated trying to stay calm when the pressure on his throat faintly subsided, still feeling the rough edges of the blade grazing his skin.

He could feel her body only slightly relax as he moved his hand up slowly to brace her arm so lightly he was barley touching her.

He made no attempt to stop her, pull her arm away or get the knife off her, he just wanted to make sure she knew it was him, that she was safe. Urging her with his soft touch, to know that she was home.

He ran his thumb back and forth over her arm and moved his other hand up to his chest, carefully plying her fingers from the spot they had dug themselves into, holding it there in the same place on his chest.

He stayed like that, making sure the only part of his body moving was his thumb over her arm.

She suddenly shuttered behind him and he was sure it was the moment she had just figured out where she was.

"It's alright Carol, you made it back" before he could finish whispering her name, he realised he couldn't feel the blade at his throat anymore. He froze as her arm moved and he heard the knife drop onto the hard floor.

He felt her arms tighten around him and her body drop back down onto the mattress. He slowly turned his body to face her, he could barely see in the darkness as she leaned back towards him. Within seconds he felt his entire body tremble as her hands run over his face, examining his features in the dark before she slid her arms back around his neck and pulled herself into his chest. He buried his face into her neck, wrapping his arms around her waist as lightly as he could. Waning to do nothing else but curl up on their bed with her.

* * *

Daryl wrapped her arm around his shoulder and his around her waist, as they stumbled into the dark room. He was relying on memory alone to guide him, just as he had when they made their way down the hall.

She had told him she wanted it off them, all this crap that they were both covered in. He quietly agreed and helped her up.

No matter how exhausted they both were, he dragged them down there in the middle of the night, ignoring the pain ripping through his shoulders as he supported her weight.

He leaned her body into the cool tiles of the wall as he quickly removed his clothes, and began slowly peeling hers off. Tensing his jaw as he listened to her wince at the carful movements.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and guided her into the showers, holding her up as he moved.

As soon as they stepped in Daryl instantly pulled the chain, letting the water fall on them and wash away the all the blood, guts and mud that stained their skin.

* * *

Daryl pulled himself to the edge of the bunk and slowly started lowering himself off, grinding his teeth together to stop the sounds of the pained growls erupting from his chest. He looked over to see if he'd woken her and found himself minutes later, still watching her sleeping.

Daryl rubbed at his arm as the feeling hit his stomach. The scrapes and bruises were minor. But they were there and they stirred at something deep inside of him, bringing something to the surface he didn't want to deal with. He found himself stepping back from her when his eye caught the knife on the ground. He shouldn't have been surprised it wasn't her knife, none of the shit she came back with was hers.

Daryl leaned down awkwardly and grabbed the knife throwing it into the bag with the rest of the weapons when he felt his toe touch something.

He wasn't sure what was in the small box, but it made him look around the cell as the light of day revealed the mess, making him remember what he had done the morning before.

Daryl crawled around the stuffy cell on his knees, picking up all her things one by one, then quietly putting them all back in place. He gathered all their clothes together and folded them all neatly in to piles. He kept cleaning until he realised he was just trying to avoid looking at her lying there, avoiding fixating on each mark and wondering how she got it.

There was always going to be a voice in his head, telling him to walk away when things were too hard to handle. He could go and hunt them down like he had planned yesterday, before she tried to slit his throat open. Before he saw the marks clearly and had hours to dwell over everything, time to think through every small detail, again and again. The task assuring, he didn't let any of the anger subside, not even for a minute.

He might as well lock the cell door closed and toss the key, because he wasn't sure he could ever let her out of his sight again. How could he go anywhere, when no one else at the prison was paying any attention to her when he left? He didn't trust them anymore, no matter how much he knew it wasn't their fault. The need to blame someone was more overpowering, than anything else.

He dragged the mattress of the top bunk onto the ground and sat on it next to her, leaning into the wall until the cell was dark again.

He wanted to know how none of them saw her out there that day. There were so many people working at the fences and no one saw her out there? Rick was out there fuckin around, playin farmer and he didn't see or hear anything?

Hell, No one event noticed she was fuckin gone until he got back.

The thoughts continued into the night when he heard her moving around on the bunk next to him. He reached over and lit a candle before leaning his body into the frame of the bunk watching her wake up.

"You in pain?" he asked quietly, even though she didn't look it.

Carol weakly shook her head, as her hand reached across the bed towards his. He closed his fingers around hers. Her eyes met his for a moment, before they drifted over to the wall, staring blankly.

Daryl couldn't stop himself from looking down to her hand in his, examining the bruises on her arms and wrists, he wanted to ask her what happened, and he was sure she knew that, sure that was why she was avoiding looking at him.

He was thankful she was at least holding his hand. At least she wanted him there, he could feel that much by the way her fingers squeezed his. Without it he would have had to wonder. Her expression never changed and she didn't look back over at him, she just kept her eyes fixed on the wall until she fell back to sleep.

He knew just how different they were when shit like this happened.

She always did this. She just blocks it out. Shuts it out.

Not once did she ever try to make him feel like shit, just because she was mad. She had never walked away from him or avoided him, not like what he had done to her. Never yelled hurtful crap in his face.

No, what she did was almost worse. She just ignored it and kept going, convincing herself she always had to be ok. Never really dealing with anything or talking to anyone, even him.

The cell was stuffy and warm but he didn't leave it for more than a few minutes, no matter how uncomfortable it got. He sat silently in that same spot on the floor, leaning into the bedframe. He lost hours, imagining ripping the faceless men apart. Thinking about how satisfying it would be to see the pure fucking horror in their eyes as repeatedly plunged his knife into their chests. He could think about it forever if it meant he didn't have to visualise what had happened to her.

Her body jolted in the bed, shaking the frame as she snapped her eyes open. She instantly started scanning the room, just as she did the night he brought her back here. Only now she was unarmed and she seemed to notice that before she realised where she was.

Daryl found himself wanting to give her back the large knife she had tried to kill him with, not wanting her to feel unprotected, even for a second. He could handle himself, if she woke and tried to attack him again. He decided he would rather it, hell he preferred it to the terrified look on her face.  
At least she would feel like she was in control if she had the knife, instead of that panic hitting her even harder. It took a few seconds, but he could feel her fingers over his hard-calloused hand. Repeating the same gentle movement over his rough skin until she fell asleep again, as if she was trying to sooth him.

* * *

Whenever she briefly woke, he noticed her examining his position next to her. She probably thought he was being ridiculous or over protective., maybe even losing his mind. Truth was, he was worried that having to lift himself onto the top bunk again would just make his back hurt even more than it did. The upside was that he could listen to the familiar sounds of her sleeping. Knowing now from experience that he couldn't sleep soundly without them.

* * *

Daryl could hear Rick moving around the halls, mentioning Daryl's name to people quietly. He let out a huff, and shook his head.  
He used both his hands to wipe the sweat from his face into his hair, before he used the bed frame to hoist himself to his feet. Taking one last look at her sleeping before he made his way into the hallway.

* * *

Rick muttered out insignificant details as he talked about the run, rambling about how he had to leave the car outside the fence because the gate was swamped with walkers. He nodded in response and tried to wipe the scowl from his face. Mostly he just tried to ignore the reoccurring idea of punching Rick.

Daryl knew Rick had raced up there after getting back, assuring Daryl was he was still around. He wasn't blind, he had seen Rick watching every move he made. Whenever Daryl left the cells, Rick eyed him cautiously, waiting for him to run off and track the men down.

Daryl wanted to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut and the burning dryness in his throat, he knew this wasn't Rick's fault. But still, he needed to continually remind himself of it.  
The need for someone to blame was still pestering him and he found the urge impossible to ignore.  
The way Rick watched him only made the irrational aggression grow. Each time Daryl caught Rick monitoring him fill the water bottles or grab some food, it just made everything worse.

"You're staying put then?" Rick finally asked, keeping his voice low as he tilted his head towards him.

Daryl bit his lip and his brow scrunched as he shifted away from Rick, back in the direction of the cell. Carol's closeness had entered his mind. He tried to listen out for the sound of her breathing or moving in the bed. Something to reinforce the knowledge that she was still there and still safe. He thought it would make him feel better. But instead he got even tenser, forcing himself to face Rick again, folding his arms across his chest as he did.

Daryl responded with nothing more than a shrug, not knowing how to lie. Rick realized instantly he had every intention of leaving and Daryl watched his features tighten and twist.

"And if something happens to you while you're out there? You don't even know if there is anyone out there, has she even said anything to you?"  
Daryl instantly thought about Carol trying to kill him with the knife and how Rick would see it. How he would see her. That thought seem to only boil Daryl's blood more, until it was too much for him to contain. Rick was right, she hadn't said anything about what happened, so how would Rick know what happened out there. As far as he was concerned, Rick was just making crap up with no evidence to back it. Nothing but some guns and bullets. Forget the bruises, scrapes, blood and guts.

Daryl stepped at Rick aggressively, "You think she killed all these pricks, right? To make ya self feel better" Daryl accused, glaring at Rick as he spoke.

"Then where's her gun, her knife? She just leave all that behind ha?" Daryl spat out his jaw tightening as Rick attempted to speak.

Daryl's voice began to echo through the cell block but he continued raising it as he stepped towards him, pressing his fingers into Rick's chest, using it to push him back.

"She knew we'd be lookin for her, but she stayed away from the roads. She was still hiding, use ya head". Rick's expression softened as he reached out for Daryl, hearing his voice break as he spoke, but the gesture was quickly swatted away.

"Stop acting like nothin happened to her", Daryl growled through his teeth, his voice still managing to brake as he did. Ricks hands raised defensively as his voice deepened "You know that's not what.",

"Bullshit" Daryl growled revealing his pent-up hostility.

Rational or not.

"You wanna live in ya dream world, instead of noticing what's going on around you" he watched rage fill Rick's eyes as he snapped at him, but he found that it only made him want to keep going. Rick nodded, smiling sarcastically "Oh this is my fault, right?" Rick said desperately trying to keep his cool as Daryl nodded in response, "Yeah, dam right".

"You should have been keeping an eye on her, you should have seen her instead of worrying about dumb shit. Out there playing farmer like we aren't still neck deep in shit".  
Rick nodded, almost ignoring the outburst, knowing that Daryl was simply looking for an argument.  
A vicious snarl left Daryl's throat as he stepped towards him until he was towering over him, ready to attack until he seen the expression covering ricks features, as if he would take whatever came next, just to keep Daryl at the prison.

That's when it hit him. It wasn't Ricks fault. It was his. He thought about how quiet Rick had been in the car when they looked for her. Was he thinking about him, walking her through the woods every day, getting her comfortable out there? Making her think she was safe? They had been out there playing pretend just as much as Rick. At least rick played the game inside the fence.  
He shouldn't have had her out there.  
This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't have got her thinking they could go out there and be ok.  
He knew now more than ever that his frustration building towards Rick really was absurd and unjustifiable.

The same thought repeated, making him step back from Rick. His stomach sinking as he did.

He shouldn't have had her out there every day, it could have just as easily happened even with him next to her. It could have happened that very afternoon when they went out together. Outnumbered and overpowered, they could have just taken her right from his hands. The thought had his chest pumping again, his hands turn to fists, so tightly he could feel his fingernails press into his palms painfully,  
as if he could feel her being taken from him.

Rick watched him, trying to understand what was going through his head, why he looked so sick with himself. He looked more afraid than he did when he thought Daryl was going to punch him.  
"This is my fault" Daryl quietly chocked out. Rick seemed to instantly know where Daryl's mind had wondered to. "No, it's not" was all Rick managed to say as he reached to console him. Daryl pushed him back as he turned to get away from the conversation. Unable to look at Rick as he moved away from him.

* * *

Daryl flung the hanging sheets back to see Carol sitting on the edge of the bunk, a fresh wave of guilt washed over him as he took her in. He knew she had heard everything, that he had woken her while he was busy attacking their friend.

His shoulders dropped and the rage faded instantly, burying itself under the regret and shame.  
"I'm sorry", he mumbled as he tried to stiffen his trembling jaw, dropping his gaze.

He wanted to look away from her completely, but he couldn't take his eyes off how calm she looked. Even after hearing all that.

Carol tilted her head to the spot beside her, silently asking him to sit down.

He didn't want to.

He could still feel his whole body jerking from the adrenaline that was pumping in his veins, as if he was still waiting to attack something.  
"Daryl?" she spoke softly but the sound filled the cell and snapped his eyes back to hers. He let out a heavy breath and nodded as his hand ran nervously across his stomach, trying to wipe the sweat and tight fist away.

He chewed at his lip and lowered himself onto the bunk, grabbing onto the frame to ease himself down slowly. Wondering why she put her hand on his lower back as he did.

Carols hands slid from his back as he turned and eyed her cautiously, still hearing his shaky aggressive breaths. He wanted to apologize again but she didn't wait for him to settle himself in front of her, she suddenly reached out and placed her hands on the side of his face, the touch forcing his eyes to close and his body to slouch forward instantly as her soft warms skin moved over his cheek.

He couldn't help himself. He fell into her, so close he could feel her breath hitting his neck.  
She held him there until the vicious breaths had stopped and his heart slowed.

She didn't look dazed, lost or even tired anymore. She looked at him, like she was there with him. In the cell.

"You know it's not true, tell me you know that" Carol whispered slowly as she ran her finger through his hair. Daryl instantly nodded, hoping she didn't notice the robotic jerk of his head.

He didn't believe it for a second, but he just wanted her to stop.

Stop defending them.

Stop worrying about him.

Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut.

Daryl wondered if she could feel the crease forming across his temple, but was sure she did when he felt her hands slide from his hair to his neck. They moved over him until they were gliding lightly up and down the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her, slowly easing something that was tightened inside of him.

She had done this exact thing a hundred times before, it always sent a warm shiver down his spine. Before all of this happened, he had wondered if she knew just how much the small gesture comforted him. But he didn't have to wonder anymore.

She continued the movement over and over until every tight and knotted muscle in his body had untangled and loosed, just as they always had, whenever they found themselves with a minute alone.  
"It's not your fault" she whispered lightly urging him to believe her. A sick feeling emerged in his stomach as she spoke and his eyes flew open.  
"Don't" mumbled, his voice dry and rough.  
Carol slowly pulled him back until their eyes met, forcing herself to keep her eyes locked on his  
"Rick's right, nothing happened" Daryl couldn't help himself but pull away from her, exposing the tortured expression that covered his face.  
He looked her in the eyes as he shook his head angrily. He suddenly let out a hard breath, as he took her forearms lightly in his hands.  
"This is nothing?" He questioned as he pulled his eyes off the bruises and cuts to look back to her.

"It just wasn't easy getting away. And that's all these are" She explained firmly, keeping her now, glassy red eyes focused on his Daryl as he harshly bit into his lip, eyeing her.  
Examining her.  
Studying her.  
He tried to believe it in his core, tried to jam the information in. But instead he could hear something in her voice that stung and burnt his chest. He couldn't stop thinking about her with Ed. Maggie with the governor. Him and his brother with his father. It wasn't nothing. He could feel it coming off her in waves.

"Why ya doin this Carol?" he mumbled without thinking, so low he wasn't sure she able to understand him.

He could see she was trying to make him feel better, trying to label the marks as minor. Things that should just be forgotten. She was good at it, she'd had the practice. But it didn't work like that for him, it never had. The bruises might as well have been branded into her skin. The marks were like her tracks on the ground outside the prison. Every detail of them had been embedded into his mind.

The memories he had of every minute she was missing would be added to the rest of his nightmares. And so, they should be.

Maybe she was telling the truth.

Maybe things never got as bad as he thought.

Maybe.

But they still took her, she was still out there, alone in the woods covered in blood and bruises.  
That happened.  
Even she wanted to ignore it and dumb it down. He couldn't forget.

He forced himself to push his lip out from between his teeth as he nodded to himself.  
"That simple ha, they took you. You killed em all and left" Daryl asked almost sarcastically but it was met by Carol's firm nod in agreement.

"I'm fine Daryl, they didn't hurt me. Not like you think" she added trying to enforce the information, his brow scrunching as she spoke.  
"But they hurt ya" he wanted her mad, he didn't know why. He did know he didn't want to live in the dream world anymore, it wouldn't work. It was too dangerous, he had proved that.

She took his face in her hands and he felt her palms become firm on his skin, "There's no threat for you to chase" she pressed, he slowly and carefully dropped his open hand to her thighs feeling his eyes burn as she spoke.

He didn't have a chance to respond before she was pulling herself steadily onto his lap.

She didn't make uncomfortable, strained movements. She didn't even look like she was going to lose it, or have a breakdown like he had been waiting for. It scared him that she could just put all of that away, that she could look at him and tell him to stop being angry.

Like it was a real possibility.

He watched her relax into him, feeling the weight of her cover his legs and chest.

He couldn't stop thinking about how small she was as he twisted his arms around her.

She felt delicate. Fragile. Breakable.

He wanted to believe she was in control, that she was always just making her ways home. Nothing more.

But it was just too much, he couldn't bring himself to believe her and didn't know why she was lying to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Bargaining**

He knew he had fallen asleep with her.

They made their way to the mattress on the floor, to avoid the dip in the bunk that always had them firmly pressed together.

He laid on his back with his legs hanging off the sides, on the cool, smooth concrete floor. He wanted to give her space so he didn't hurt her. That was why he pulled her down here, but she didn't stop shifting in her sleep. Eventually she was on her side again, pressed into him. Her leg wrapped over him, her hand in his shirt, as it always was, seeking out the familiar place in the centre of his chest where she always placed it. The position seemed to bring back the false sense of security they created and he couldn't help himself but close his eyes and let it wash over him.

The heat of the long day before, left the prison block and Daryl felt the cold morning air hit him hard. He reached out for her in a sleepy daze, wanting to pull her close and absorb her warmth. He thought about moving near her and resting his chin on her shoulder like he used too. He wanted to press his lips into her neck and leave them there. But as he reached out he only found more of the cold stiff mattress.

Before he had fully woken up he'd already come up with a hundred reasons why she wouldn't still be next to him. Simple things like going to the bathroom or changing her clothes, she had been asleep long enough, maybe she just wanted to stretch her legs.

He slipped his shoes on and decided to follow her and make sure she was ok, maybe get her something to eat if she wasn't already doing that.

He stood to his feet and stretched out, as the bright colour in the unusual place caught his eye.

Daryl felt his chest ache when he noticed the yellow piece of paper where the bag of guns had been. He stuffed the piece of paper into his pocket and ran out of the cell. He didn't need to read it to know exactly where she had gone.

Carol had been listening to the whole conversation he had with Rick. Even the parts Daryl had dismissed. Specifically, the parts about walkers filling the driveway and not being able to get the last car in.

* * *

He watched her pause in the dim light. She heard his heavy steps kicks at the rocks and dirt, as he approached her quickly, trying to take his mind of the pain, as he forced himself to move faster through the gap in the fence. Praying he got to her before she left.

She turned to look at him, and he had a million things he wanted to say. Most of them were not very nice. But instead he had to carefully let himself fall forward, leaning into his knees awkwardly, struggling to catch his breath.

He fought the urge to yell and forced his head up, but continued to heave in burning breaths of the cold morning air, unable to stop himself from glaring at her.

"You said there was no threat left" Daryl accused, forcing the words through his dry sore throat as he dragged himself back upright.

" I have to check something" she spoke calmly and Daryl wondered if she was losing her mind.  
Was this her way of having a break down? Running of and getting killed, "I'll be fine" she added firmly. Daryl scoffed instantly and shook his head, he couldn't stop himself from being angry at her, furious that she would leave him, willingly.

"Fine. I'm comin then" he snapped out firmly folding his arms across his chest.

"No" Carol said softly turning back towards the car, as if she expected him to just accept it.

"You're not goin alone. It's not happening. Just let me get my crossbow and..." before Daryl finished trying to reason with her she swung around, her eyebrow raised as she spoke, "Seriously?" she almost laughed out. His brow scrunched at her and suddenly softened her expression, realising he had no idea what she was talking about.

She took a step forward and glanced at his chest before looking back to him, "I know your hurt" He suddenly felt exposed, uncomfortable and embarrassed. And he didn't know why. She went to continue but he didn't give her a chance. He stormed past her, hanging his head to keep his eyes fixed on the ground.

"Fine. We'll leave fuckin leave it" he mumbled as he got into the passenger seat of the car, slamming the door shut behind him so hard that it made Carol jump.

* * *

"This is my favourite part" he said turning his body towards her. He leaned his side into the seat, straightening the crumpled scrap of paper out.

"I will be back tomorrow night. Don't worry." He spat out sarcastically glaring at it for a minute longer before scrunching it into a ball and throwing to his feet.

"Fuckin seriously Carol?" She didn't answer, she just drove and kept her eyes fixed on the road, unaffected by his irritation with her. "I just didn't think you were up for it. That's all" she said apologetically, but her tone showed she was still defending her decision.

He found himself forcing in deep breaths, as he always had before the fighting started. His now quiet reaction to being angry with her, was one he had to work on carefully over months. But it was never graceful. His teeth would grind, stopping him from talking.

He had to do this. He had to learn to control his shit.

The other option was dealing with the way she looked at him when his voice raised to high or he stepped towards her to fast.

Always wondering if in those moments he reminded her of Ed, Merle, his father or even hers.

His desperation not to be just another asshole in her life seem to overpower everything.  
He felt sick at the thought of resembling someone who got off on being a power tripping dickhead. Someone that picked at her over stupid shit, in some attempt to control her.

He knew how that felt and he wanted to do better for her than that. He wanted to prove to himself he can look after someone without making a mess.

So he let his teeth scrape together until his jaw slowly loosened.

He released a steady breath as he looked back over at her and saw her watching him out of the corner of his eye, he reached over to rest his hand on her thigh, letting her know that he was sorry and would stop. He closed his hand over her leg, rubbing it gently, making her glance in his direction long enough for him to start wondering what she didn't want him to see.  
"How long? He said quietly defeated.  
"We won't be there until tomorrow night. Late"  
"What do you need to check?" he asked carefully, wanting to get something out of her that made sense.  
"I just need to take care of something simple and we can go home, it won't take long" she forced herself to sound casual but he could hear the concern breaking through. And he wanted it to stop. She seemed oddly peaceful and still. She must have wanted to hang onto that for as long as she could. So, he just sat back and let her drive.

They had been on the road all day when Daryl began insisting she let him take over driving but she just ignored him, never responding with anything more than an eye roll.

* * *

He watched her in silence for hours, unable to take his eyes off her. He didn't understand how she could be so relaxed, how she wasn't nervous or on edge and he didn't know why it was annoying him so much. He didn't understand why the casual feel the car had, was making so uncomfortable. It was like they were just popping out to the store or something. The feeling was so strong that when it disappeared from the car he felt a chill hit him harshly, as she suddenly let out a gasp.

She didn't explain herself as they reached a crossroads, she just stopped, looking down the road in the other direction so he couldn't see her face.

"What?" he asked quietly as he turned to look ahead. He thought he would somehow be able to see something that made her uneasy, but there was nothing.

It was just the usual scattered cars that were broken down on every road.

"Everything all right" he asked looking back to her. He wondered if she was lost, as she became horribly still.

Carol kept her eyes on the road, not responding to Daryl as he continued to ask her what had stopped her, becoming more and more worried as her breathing accelerated so much that he could hear it taking over the silence in the car.

Daryl held the gun tightly in his hand as she suddenly turned car right, making the wheels spin as she jerked it forward. "What is it?" Daryl asked again as her body stiffened, leaning into the steering wheel that she was now gripping tightly.

Daryl grabbed onto the dash as she sped down the road. "Carol what's goin on?" he yelled, trying to force her to answer. He could see her eyes starting to turn red, he was sure she had spotted someone in danger, someone he couldn't see.

But she was too stunned to respond to him.

* * *

She stopped the car quickly and started moving quickly. Daryl reached out and tried to stop her as she threw herself from the car, but he still didn't understand what was going on.

"Carol just fuckin wait" He demanded growing more confused as he watched her stumble forward. Leaving him to grab the gun she had left behind.

He followed her every step, darting around the broken cars and remains of walkers that were scraped along the road calling her name and begging her to stop.

Even in his haste to catch up with her he couldn't miss how urgently she moved, how desperate she looked as she approached the dusty red car. Realising instantly that she knew the girl inside.

Daryl launched himself forward to catch up to her, to wrap his arms around her waist to stop her as her hands began to reach for the door handle. He squeezed her tightly no matter how much she tried to break free, the pain in his back screaming in protest every time she lunged her body forward.

He could hear her screaming No, in between the cries. He could feel her shaking and her heart pounding into his chest.

She was still covering her mouth, but it didn't stop the sound of her sobs from filling the empty road, dragging him back to that day. Even the scent of the air changed. Suddenly he could smell the fields again, smell the rotting flesh burst into the warm breeze as the barn doors were pulled open.

Daryl could feel her chest, back and arms sweating and clinging to his shirt. He remembered her body feeling hot like this. Like the agony inside of her was turned into heat, and that heat burst from every pour of her skin until he felt like he had his arms wrapped around someone on fire. He had, struggling to hold her in place on the firm rocky ground. Keeping her from her own daughter. Her daughter that seemed to be gravitating towards her,  
just like this girl was.

Its gaze seemed to be locked on Carol and he knew she would have seen it too. But in that moment, she seen the haste and determination as something else. He had always hated how they looked at you like they wanted you, need you. The thirst the walkers had was cruel and deceptive, especially if you knew them before. You could go blind for a minute and still see them as they were, instead of a monster that craves to kill you.

Carol knew all to well that the walkers were dangerous, but it didn't stop her from throwing herself at them. A part of her wanted to pull the girl into her arms and hold her. And he found himself wondering what would have happened to her if he hadn't of been their both times to hold her down.

Daryl could still feel her pulling against him hysterically as he grabbed her hips harshly and swung her around. In an instant, she felt even more fragile in his arms and it horrified him. He stepped back swiftly dragging her with him, watching as the walker scratched at the glass, yearning to get to them. He used one of his arms to cover her face and shield her from being able to see it.

He could feel her fingernails through his shirt, running down his back as she finally stopped fighting him. Her body stiffened in his arms and her crying stopped.  
She had flipped a switch in her mind. The thing that made her keep going.

Her hands swiftly slid from his back to his chest lightly pushing herself of him. Daryl let his hands fall to her waist, astounded with how she was snapping out of the daze she was in. But he didn't recognize the crease set in her brow or how dark her eyes had suddenly become.

She nodded over his shoulder in the direction of the forest, it took Daryl a few second to react, still fixed on the emotionless expression covering her face.

He could hear it, he knew it was there.

She nudged him, forcing him to look over his shoulder to see the walker approaching the road. Daryl stepped in its direction but Carol's hands clutched at his chest, stopping him,

"I'll get him" she said meeting his concerned gaze, no trace of the tears that covered her cheeks and filled her eyes, only seconds ago. Daryl shook his head, confused with her,

"No. I will." He said softly pulling his knife out and gripping it tightly.

"No." Carol said firmly as her hand covered his and squeezed it, tighter then he thought she was capable of. His eyes locked back on hers when the cold tone took over her voice.

"I'll get him" he froze taking in her broken expression,

it was the one he had expected her to wake up with days ago.

She took a deep breath and looked over her shoulder back to the trapped walker taking in the sight once more. She turned back to Daryl but refused to look at him, but he could see her rage growing quickly and suffocating her with it.

"You get Abigail" she said coldly steeping past him. He froze, looking over at the girl at the mention of her name, but his gaze quickly flew back to Carol.

He watched her pull the knife from her belt without delay or hesitation. He watched her grip it and ready it securely in her fingers with anticipation. The walker was short and scrawny and Daryl knew she could take him down easily but it didn't stop him from watching how quickly she moved at him. Like she couldn't get to him fast enough.

Even when she took the pickaxe to Ed she didn't look like this, she definitely didn't move like this. She always panicked and hesitated. She had always stepped back and let them come to her, just so she had as much time as possible to prepare herself. He liked that, it was smart, like she always wanted to be at least two steps ahead.

Daryl watched Carol reach out and grab a hold of the walker's shirt to yank it towards her. He couldn't stop watching until the knife broke through the brittle skull with loud crack that sent a shiver down his spine. The sound made him turn away as he heard her needlessly plunged the knife in once more before the body dropped to the ground with a hard thud.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to the knife in his own hand as he walked back across the road. He could hear Carol behind him and he was sure she had just kicked the walkers before silently making her way up behind him. He found himself flinching as the girl slammed her face into the glass, trying to reach him as he got closer. He forced himself not look back, he could feel her eyes watching every move he made.

He wished he didn't know the girls name. Or that Carol wasn't right fucking behind him, moving quickly to catch up. He hung his head and opened the door quickly, expecting her to fall forward out of the car. He took a quick step back and realised she had her seatbelt still hooked around her waist.

Daryl moved himself back in front of her. Abigail's piercing green eyes looked into his, as he reached out to grab a hold of her shoulder.  
He steadied her and pushed the knife into a spot above her ear quickly, letting his eyes close as he felt it push through.

The footsteps stopped behind him, stopped as the the girl's body fell forward instantly. He moved his hand from her shoulder to her back, settling her limp body into the driver's seat.

He heard Carol's feet move on the gravel towards him as he slid his hand from the kids back. That was when he felt it. He stood up looking at his hand when carol suddenly reached to him, examining the blood smudged over his palm. Carols eyes met his for a second before she pushed past him.

Daryl had barley taken his eyes of the red blotches when carol nudged him out of the way. He watched her urgently sit herself on the edge of the driver's seat.  
Carol's hands braced the girl's skinny arms to pull the tiny body into her chest. She used one hand to hold the girl in place, letting her linger there for a moment before dragging the neckline of the kid's sweater down.

Daryl knelt next to her as Carol pulled at the material carefully, until the girls shoulder blade was exposed. It revealed a bloody gunshot wound making Carol bite her lip and shake her head. Daryl reached out and placed his hand on her leg, in hopes the touch would ply her eyes of the wound that had killed the girl.

He wrapped his fingers around her thigh squeezing lightly, making Carol press her lips firmly together while she slowly moved the girl back up against the seat.

He couldn't see any emotion in Carol's expression as she glided her fingers over the girl's loose black sweater, fidgeting with it until it was carefully pulled back into place.

"Caro-",  
"The glovebox. Can you?" she said quickly cutting him off. Her voice was calm and she never took her eyes off the kid as he moved from her side, her fingers tucking them under Abigail's sleeves, neatly folding them around her tiny wrists.

He felt a sting emerge in his throat as he dropped himself through the passenger door. He quickly began looking over his shoulder out of habit, to make sure there was nothing coming up behind them. The car seemed pretty much empty and well intact, nothing but some dirt and mud smudged over the seats, but it wasn't an odd thing to see these days.

He turned back and watched her out of the corner of his eye as he clicked open the glovebox, letting the door drop open.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring at the scattered belongings.

Her knife, her gun, her watch lay alone in the empty compartment. He let out the breath he had been holding, before he finally reached out and took them all in his hands.

He only held them for a second before she stretched her arm out over the body between them and took back her knife. He still couldn't move. His mind raced trying to piece everything together but nothing fit.  
His eyes followed her hands. She slipped her fingers through the loops of the handle and secured the knife back onto the belt of her pants before reaching back over and taking the gun and watch.

"You give all this to her?" Her eyes finally left the kid, looking over to him, revealing nothing of the pain he knew was stirring inside of her.  
"No" she said simply her eyes drifting over his shoulder.

Her voice was still so smooth and it left him sitting in the car trying to work through his muddled thoughts as she stood up. "It was already here", she added as she closed the door quietly.  
He looked around and realised where he was. He turned to the backseat, looking down at the muddy markings again, knowing now that they were hers. only able to take his eyes of them as he heard her footsteps, moving away from the car.

He got out of the car quicker than he needed to, making him stumble backwards as the throbbing in his shoulder began overpowering him. He steadied himself on his feet and turned to follow her, just in time to see her toss the watch to the ground without a second thought.

There didn't seem to be any feeling behind the action. She threw it aside as if it was just in the way, taking up space in her hands that she needed to check the gun.

He looked at the watch on the ground as he made his way over to her, hearing the familiar clicks and snaps of her gun as she checked it over. His presence seemed to unsettle her and he didn't know why, or what he was supposed to do. He wanted to comfort her, but he could tell she didn't want him it from him.

He rubbed his arm as he spoke, letting the sweat get dragged back and forth on his skin "Is this what you wanted to check? See if the kid made it?" He spoke to her carefully but her head raised taking him in.  
Her face blank and cold as her eyes darted from the car to him, as if she was trying to understand what he was saying.

"It was. Now it's something else" She answered quietly as she turned and walked off, her gaze still focused on the weapon. She didn't give him a chance to respond to the determination flaring in her eyes, which had him rubbing his arm even harder.

Daryl followed desperately trying to decipher her movements, they were familiar. But he had never seen her like this.

He had looked at her the same way she just had.

He remembered leaving her alone behind him.

Hearing her follow him, stumbling and tripping through the forest after him. But he didn't care, he was to drained and bitter to worry about her or anything. All he wanted to do then was…..

"Carol. Stop",

He didn't mean to growl the words out, but at least the sound was enough to make her stop.

She shook the gun at her side as he placed his hand on her shoulder. He turned her back to face him, bending his knees to line her eyes up with his.

Her eyes were fixed on his chest no matter how close he pulled her, moving his hand onto her hip to hold her in place. It was what he was expecting, what she had been doing since she woke up in the cell.

Daryl hadn't even realised how much of the rage had subsided just by being with her over the past few days. Until it came rushing back to the surface. He let his head drop "let's go then" was all he managed before she turned from him and led the way back to the car.

He wondered if it was the hot air that sat stale around them, maybe that's why he couldn't breathe. She wanted him here now, like this. Full of rage and a burning desire to feel something dying in his hands. She was going to let them go, all of them…as long as the kid survived.

He drove down the road as fast as he could, wanting to reach them as soon as possible. He knew where ever they were headed was far away. She had said as much. But it didn't stop him and she never said anything more than "left here, right there"

* * *

"Slow down" it had been hours without a sound and her voice almost made him jump.

He did as she asked, looking over at her as she searched the side of the road again. He could have sworn he felt his heart hitting the sides of his chest, just wondering what the fuck it was she had seen this time.

"There" she pointed to the side of the road, he saw nothing but the faint remains of a dried trail covered in broken branches and overgrown bushes. He brought the car to a stop and looked over at her wanting more information, "where are we?" he looked as far down the track as he could, but could see nothing through the trees. He knew a car hadn't gone down the trail for months, maybe more.

"It's safe. Go." He gave her a small nod and turned the car off the road into the woods following the trail as the sun began to set.

It didn't take long before they reached a burnt-out house. He could tell she still didn't want to talk, he could tell her head was too busy. Sorting through something… times, event, things she did, things she didn't. So, he stayed quiet.

He stopped outside the house leaving the engine going while they both looked around for danger, he knew she could see the walkers coming through the woods towards them,  
"That house looks like it's ready to collapse" he said watching the walkers getting closer, wondering what the next move was.  
"Hang on". She didn't wait for him to say anything, she just threw jumped from the car and ran over to the garage door.

She opened it quickly and he had to tighten his hands on the steering wheel when she didn't even check before swinging the door open. He muttered a few more curse words than needed under his breath and drove the car into garage.

She hadn't even had a chance to pull the garage door down when stopped the car and got out. He was so fuelled he wasn't thinking straight. Wasn't asking himself the right questions. All he wanted to know is what she was thinking, twice in one day she had been reckless, hell the fact that she was out here to begin with made it three times.

He had every intention of asking her what was going through her head until his foot kicked the old empty water bottle across the cement. He only had a second to look around the garage before she finished jerking the door back down and taking away all the light in the room. But it was long enough to know that she had been here before. There were traces of her, and only her, all through the garage. Even as he looked down at his feet he could see the imprint left from her boots scattered all around him.

"You stayed here" it wasn't a question, more just him admitting to every sign he could see around them.

She didn't answer, she just walked past him as if he hadn't said anything. It was dark but she was still trying not to look at him as she moved around him, going out of her way to avoid any contact with him. Like she knew it would melt the rage in him. He had felt it getting worse since being in the very car they had dragged her into. The images of the mud and dirt pressed into the fabric ran through his mind and he couldn't help but imagine her struggling to get away as they took her further and further away from their home.

She opened the car door and climbed into the backseat and began pushing the seats down flat. He got in the other side and began helping her. Once again, he got it wrong. He thought she was setting the car up to get some rest, until she flicked the light above their head on and began emptying her bag of weapons between them. "We should make sure everything's ready" was all she said, her tone letting him know she didn't want to talk about it. But they were out here, and now he needed to know what happened.

His stilled body next to her was enough to make her stop and look at him. Her eyes met his and she seemed to give in. He watched as she nodded to herself, knowing it was time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Depression**

He paid close attention to everything she said. Realising that this was the most she had talked since he found her, also realising just how much he had missed the sound of her voice.

He couldn't help but examine how perfectly still she was, wondering why he found it so uncomfortable to look at. He didn't want to see her shake or cry, but at least it would have made sense.  
If he at the very least, thought she was just trying to be brave or strong, he would have understood that too.  
But that wasn't it.  
She was disconnecting from everything, even him. So much that he had felt her slipping further and further away from him all day. Now she was almost completely out of his grasps.

She spoke as if she was telling someone else's story, one she seemed only half interested in.

He couldn't comprehend it and he desperately wanted to.

She skimmed over details and gave him nothing but facts.

A man had snatched her from the safety of her home, dragged her through the woods, but she spoke of the events like she didn't care about any of it.

She told him how two men held her down as another drove and all he could think about was their hands on her.

He noticed her take a deep breath before she went on, using it to maintain the composure that he couldn't bear.

"They took me to this cabin in the woods. I wasn't there long. By the next night I found a way to escape". He nodded watching her finish the story.

"Were there more people there?" he asked, speaking quietly. She nodded and told him that there were another three men there. He bit his lip, taking in the information. Watching as her head dropped and she quickly went through the bag, removing the silencer and attaching it to the gun.

He wasn't stupid, he knew that wasn't the whole story but he didn't know how to get it out of her. The problem was, the more she pretended to be ok, the more he was sure that she was broken in a way he couldn't understand.

He tried to sift through the different arguments he had, logical ones. Anything to get her to realise they shouldn't be out here.

Why she shouldn't be out here. All the while knowing, none of them would work.  
He felt a surge of panic rush over him as he realised just how ill-equipped he was to handle this.

"Carol"

Her name scratched its way out of his throat and she instantly hummed in response, but she didn't stop moving.

He couldn't focus on her hands messing with the guns. His eyes were still jumping between the sweat forming on her brow or her lip that had suddenly started trembling. It was the only sign he had that there was something inside of her, screaming to be released.

He had always needed her to be the calm and rational one, he relied on her to navigate him through this relationship, to show him how to fix things when he was so used to braking them.

He was never going to be good at this part and he needed to be. He needed to be good at it right now or he was going to lose her to the anger that was fuelling her.

Daryl's eyes drifted down to the endless shuffling, frustrated, until he looked at them move towards him.  
She quickly reached out to put one of the guns in front of him, silently assigning it to him. Without thinking he covered her hands softly with his. The feeling of his hot skin hitting her cool sweaty palms, made her finally stop.

She didn't move an inch while his thumbs lightly grazed over her long thin fingers and up to her damaged wrists.

She looked straight into his eyes and just for a second, she gave in. She looked at him like she wanted to break down and tell him everything. But she hadn't come this far to let him in her head. She was working full time to push aside all the emotions she had tangled up in this. But still she starred at his hands on hers.

"What about the kid...",  
she had never mentioned the kid once, throughout the simple, quick story. She never even said her name.

"She was at the cabin" she spoke quickly and removed her hands from his in one swift movement.

He hated himself. He didn't want to hurt her, she would never do this to him, he thought. But he couldn't see any other way.

"Where?" he asked, watching her recoil at the question.

"In a shed" her answer was simple, but through the dim light he could see the change in her expression.

"Is that where they put you?" she nodded in response and he could see his questioning was tearing down the wall she had worked so hard to build and maintain.

"You were in there with her the whole time then?" he watched as she froze at the question, a scene playing out in her mind as she did. He realised right then he didn't care about anything but the raw need to be closer to her, to know what was going on in her head.

"The first night it was just us. She was scared and panicking." The words came out low and muffled, each word sounding more pained than the last.

"You looked after her?" it was more of an opinion than a question, but it was enough to shatter the hard wall, breaking it like glass, until he could see nothing but pain flooding her features as she shook her head.

"I told her I would. That I could get her out of there. She just needed to listen to me and everything was going to be ok" she admitted, like she was confessing to a crime she had committed.

She explained how two men dragged them out. She told him how she fought him of and took his gun. She told him how the first thing she did was kill the man who had the kid. How Abigale was her priority, she didn't care what happened to her, she just wanted the kid to have a chance.

He took in her guilty expression and shook his head. She was right, it should have worked, but it never mattered how planned things were or how prepared you were. It never stopped things from going wrong.

"I should have just told her to run" she said, her eyes fixed on his chest, like she was staring right through him.

"The car was so close, it had fuel, weapons, it just made sense" she paused taking in a breath, trying to steady herself, "it should have worked". He nodded agreeing with her,  
"you tried…" was all he managed before she cut him off. Not allowing him to let he off the hook.

"I saw him shot at her, I heard her fall down, but I thought maybe she was just dropping to cover herself." Carol spoke to him like she was trying to convince him, but he didn't need to be persuaded, he didn't doubt a single word.

"She got straight up and got in the car, I didn't think she was hurt" her head shook as she spoke and a sound of disbelief burst out of her throat.

Without a second thought, he closed his arms around her quickly pulling her into his chest. He put his mouth to her ear, telling her she had done everything she could to save her. But she showed no sign that she agreed with anything he said.

"I just need to finish this" she finally said, interrupting his whispers. He watched her ply her body from his,

"Don't try and make me go back." She added as if she could see straight through him, to all his quiet intentions.

The desperation in her voice left him wanting to do just that. He wanted to start the car and drive home, but he knew that wasn't right. The problem was, letting her go through with this didn't feel right either.

"Daryl", she spoke his name like a question, as she tried to keep her voice from shaking. He felt his jaw flex and tighten in place as he nodded. She harshly wiped the tears that were starting to form in her eyes, taking away the soft and hurt expression with it.

"There is only three left" she spat out. Without any warning, her voice was suddenly cold and emotionless again.

He didn't say anything, he slumped back into the door, hoping if he was quiet she would keep talking, anything to take him mind of what exactly the men had dragged her from the shed for. Why a bunch of men would just snatch up women from their families.  
He knew the answer, but he really didn't want to think about it.

She pulled up a pack that was on the floor, shuffling around in it until she pulled something out. He watched as she handed him a clean shirt and started going through the rest of the bag like he wasn't there.

The shirt looked like one of Tyreese's. He didn't have to ask why she handed it to him, it had been a long hot day and his shirt was still moist with sweat.

He undone his buttons while she continued moving around him anxiously, keeping herself busy.

He shifted his body back, into the middle of the flattened seats. He stretched his legs out as he slipped his shirt of. He slowly unfolded the clean shirt, enjoying the cool air on his warm skin when he suddenly heard her stop moving and in the same moment her hands were on his back.

His head turned to the side instantly as she moved behind him to get closer.

He stayed still as she ran her fingers lightly over his skin, tracing over the shoulder blade that hurt. "This bruise is pretty bad" she said, her voice concern filling.

"its fine" he mumbled, trying to assure she didn't worry about him.

"You fell hard." She ran her hands up to his neck and lightly rubbed at the tight muscles,

"it's my own fault" he added quickly.

As much as he enjoyed the feel of her hands on him, he could feel her blaming herself for the bruises and he knew they were covering his old scars, just to make it even worse.

It was his decision that led to the injury. He didn't want to leave a trail of weapons if they were being followed. That was all him. He was the one who was too scared to drop it, even after he fell.

He started slipping his arms through the shirt, trying to shrug her off as he did but her hands didn't move until the shirt was up over his arms. Her hands slowly helped pull the shirt over his head, bringing it down over his back before lightly tugging at the fabric on his waist.

She shifted over, moving back to his side to make herself comfortable. He couldn't remember the last time he felt too nervous to look at her. He was worried if he looked up, he would see her thinking of ways to leave him behind, all because he was a bit banged up.

"We should get some sleep ", he said quickly. He turned to help her fix the blankets before reaching up and flicking the light off without warning.

* * *

He was resting on his side, trying to get comfortable, while listening to Carol move next to him.

He couldn't see anything in the dark except the blaring white of her singlet being revealed as she took her shirt off and put it aside with her jacket.

He didn't know why his breathing grew unsteady, while he watched the blur of white cotton drift down beside him. She wasn't close to him, but a shiver still got sent down his spine and goose bumps flared up over his skin.

He'd seen the sight a hundred times before.

Late at night after taking watch in the towers, she would sneak into the dark cell.

He would always wake up, no matter how quiet she tried to be. He was always dazed and half asleep, slipping between this dream before him and the one he'd woken him from.

He could always make out the curves of her shoulders or hips as she removed her clothes and climbed in next to him.

He always felt safe sleeping next to her. And after everything, that meant something.

He wondered if it made her feel the same, if she found the same solace in the closeness, in knowing someone who loved her was there.

He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but he slid his body towards her, not stopping until his stomach was softly touching her side. She suddenly stopped trying to get comfortable, making him chew his bottom lip anxiously.

He couldn't see anything in the dark but he knew she could hear his deep rough breaths. His hand flexed open, ready to reach for her, before he stopped himself. He didn't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable and with that thought he got ready to move back. He realised he wouldn't have thought twice about touching her if they were back at home. But here, it didn't feel right.

Before he could slide away, she slowly rolled onto her side, making him pause as she pressed her face into his chest without any hesitation.  
He wondered if she was afraid, if she couldn't hide it anymore lying here in the dark. If the thought of falling asleep here again was too much for her.

Suddenly she felt familiar again, like he knew what she was going to do next and what she was thinking. As if the lights being switched off, took her emotionless façade along with it.

He felt her hand slid up his chest, grabbing at his shirt, as she nuzzled her tiny form into his.

It was to quiet here and there was nothing left to do but think about everything they had both been avoiding.

He thought about her alone, in the dark on the cold concrete floor, wondering if she would ever make it home.

The idea of her being hurt and afraid made him drop his face into her hair, followed by his fingers that he started slowly moving through the short thick curls, back and forth until she finally fell asleep breathing heavily into his chest.

There was no pretending that everything was ok, or how it was before. Not here.

Not while she was gripping a fistful of his shirt in her sleep, like this place had seeped into her subconscious.

* * *

He fell asleep for an hour or two but woke when he could hear a walker stumbling around outside.

It was far away and nothing they needed to worry about but he couldn't stop listening to it.  
It drifted closer and he listened contently to it trip and stagger past. It made its way to the front yard tripping on the gravel in the driveway.  
Suddenly Carol flew up and out of his arms looking around in the dark.  
Daryl instantly reached up and turned the light on, wanting her to remember where she was and who she was with, before he ended up with her knife at his throat.  
Carol's head turned towards the sound realising what it was before shaking her head. Within a second her body was dropping back down next to him. She stretched out as she always did after sleeping and he watched her without moving a muscle. Her singlet was raised up, showing the hidden bruises and scratches on her stomach, along with her chest and arms.

She was still half asleep as she started to get ready, she didn't notice him staring at the marks. He hadn't had a proper look at them, the only time he had seen them was when she was covered in blood and dirt and it had hidden most of them from him.

Everything in his body seemed to turn to stone and she hadn't looked at him to notice. She rose and reached for the water bottle giving him full view of her bare back and he couldn't drag his eyes off the many marks that covered her.  
That's when it happened.  
He quietly snapped, broke, shattered and hardened all at once. But she didn't even see the process. She didn't see the minute when he decided what was going to happen, how he was going to get this done. The anger rising back to the surface, from where it had been resting beneath his chest.

After a few minutes, she looked down at herself, her eyes flaring open and over to his lap, not meeting his eyes. Not that he expected her to. She grabbed her shirt and started putting it on quickly, not that it mattered he had seen them. This was just what she was used to doing. Being ashamed of what someone else did. Rather than placing the blame where it belonged.

"Shouldn't have had ya out there", the words fell quietly from his mouth and he felt sick with himself.

She shook her head, pulling her jacket on, "I had been going out there alone for months, I didn't follow you that day, I just saw you out there." She confessed fidgeting with her jacket as she spoke, he was sure confusion was covering his face as she swung the door open.

She was ready to get out but suddenly paused and looked up at him, searching his eyes as she spoke, "that fight you had with Rick was because of me. I asked him to find a way to make sure you didn't run off, I told him that everyone was dead" He wanted to ask what else he was missing but she quickly grabbed the bag of guns and sprung out of the car. "I wanted to keep you safe" She added quietly before she closed the door. He understood that. That was her. That was him too, that's all he had ever wanted. He had failed miserably, but he wouldn't fail her again. Not this time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Acceptance**

"Two of them are injured. It should be easy". Daryl nodded in agreement as he rubbed the back of his neck trying to ease the pain of sleeping in the car, hoping that she wouldn't notice.

"Sounds like _we_ should be able to handle it" he added quietly, making sure again that he was still a part of her plan. Watching as she pressed her lips together tightly, instead of answering him.

"We drive for another hour or so then we go on foot, we should get there before light" he nodded as he pulled out of the garage, ready to start off on his own plan. One that she was not a part of.

* * *

She gave directions and explained what she thought they could expect once they got there. But even with her talking about the plan, none of it felt real. There was something in his brain that couldn't let him accept that he was going to get his hands on them.

All those hours he spent visualising their deaths, at his hands. Think about how he wanted to see the looks on their faces when he got the jump on them, he wanted to scare them.  
But he still couldn't accept that this was it.

Every minute since they left the prison he had tried to hang on and make rational decisions, that would keep her safe. But he could feel himself slipping with her, no matter how hard he tried to keep a clear head.  
His priorities seem to change with each passing hour. Somehow even taking her home had changed. Now he was driving to a cabin in the middle of the night. He realised he never wanted to kill anyone before, not really. He had been driven by anger and rage before, but it had all been a cover. It was something he had used to shield the hurt. This was different. It felt different.

Once he flicked the light on and seen the damage they had done to her, it was over. He couldn't bring himself to do the right thing anymore. Like trying to get her home, so he could handle this alone. Even that had shifted into something else. All along he was sure that it was one of those losing battles. He just assumed he would at least keep trying, until there was no hope left. But that too had slipped away with all his rational thoughts and logical reasoning.  
She had been the one to soften when he turned the light off and he was the one to harden when it was turned back on.

* * *

He glanced over at her as often as he could, the familiar racing thought returning – what do I do – what do I do. But it wasn't about finding her this time, it was about finding a way to leave her out of it.

"There", She said pointing to the side of the road, snapping him out of his devious train of thought.

"You sure?". All he could see a truck in a ditch, making him look around for its owner.

"Pull over", she answered quickly, as the car grew silent again.

As soon as the car had stopped she went back to avoiding his eyes. She took one last deep breath before she quickly pounced from the car. He watched her standing next to the open door, shoving her gun in her waistband, taking another firmly in her hands, before he followed her lead. He watched her leave the bags and everything else behind, everything but her weapons and the small flashlight. He paused looking at the stash of weapons she left behind and she seemed to feel his eyes on her. She turned in the darkness and nodded to him, "it's ok". He dragged his lower lip through his teeth and nodded back. He had to trust her, he had to believe she knew what she was doing.

He followed her over to the abandoned car, searching for any signs of danger as he moved.  
She turned the flashlight on and looked through the windows. For the first time since this all happened she smiled, emerging as she looked in the abandoned car.

The smile wasn't one he had ever seen before, it had a dark edge to it, that he never knew she was capable of.  
The truck had been ransacked, suitcases were emptied everywhere and he could see a trail of clothes and other crap leading away from the car.  
"What is it?" he asked, wondering what had brought on the evil grin.

"I didn't leave it like this. They've been scavenging."  
It was such a slight change to her features, that only he would have noticed. He could see she looked pleased with herself, just for a moment.

She touched his arm slightly, leading him towards the woods, in the direction of the scattered belongings. They walked around the truck and the flashlight glowed on three big empty drums, lying by the car. Suddenly everything started to make more sense.

"Did you know the car was gonna run out of gas" she looked back at him and nodded, before she continued moving forward.  
"I heard them talking about it. They only had two cars. One was full and one was running low, I knew it wouldn't get me far"

"Those drums on the ground, was that their water supply?" He noticed her lip curve slightly,  
"I filled up a bottle I found, then poured the rest on the ground. Then I slashed the tyres"

She hadn't just taken their weapons, she had ruined their supplies and taken away any chance they had of getting out of here alive.  
"It was smart" he said looking around again, feeling really fucking impressed with her.

These weren't the actions of someone in a hysterical panic. She had stayed two steps ahead of them. She knew they didn't have any gas, but she knew they could have found some. But she didn't leave them with the option. He was proud of that.

* * *

He knew they were close, by the careful step she took beside him. She had flicked the torch of, leaving them walking in the dark.

He could hear a few walkers wondering around but they were drowned out, by the clear sound of a person pacing nearby. She reached out and took his hand and he followed her, creeping closer in the direction of the shuffling feet.

He could only just make out the man standing in front of the cabin. Candle light glowed through the windows, giving him a clear enough view.  
He squeezed the gun tightly, and looked to her. He wanted to let her know he could take the shot, when she suddenly moved from his side.  
"Wait here"  
"What?" he spat out as she ran off.  
There was no way in hell.  
He stalked behind her, covering her. Wondering what the fuck she was doing. Then realising this was her plan, it was the fucking same as his.  
She had planned to ditch him all along.

She got closer to the cabin and leaned into a tree,  
"Carol"  
he growled her name repeatedly as he got closer to her, but she didn't listen. He watched her line the man up and pull the trigger without a second thought.

The man's lifeless body dropped to the ground, as he caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

He spun her around to look at her.  
"What are you doing, I had him" he said firmly, leaning down, to level his eyes with hers.

She pushed him and took a step back. "I don't want you to" Her voice was low but harsh and forceful.

"I can do this myself" she added coldly, but he didn't buy it.

"Yeah you probably can" he agreed with her.  
He placed his hand on her lower back as he forcefully whispered to her and tried to lead her away. "But ya not going to. This isn't happening. You shouldn't be here."

"Stop." She demanded moving away from him again.  
"You haven't been listening, you just want to blame yourself, but this isn't your fault. It's mine. Can't you see that I should have been ready for this? "

He felt really fucking stupid.

She wasn't talking about getting taken, getting hurt or almost being raped. That's what it was about for him, but that's not what this was about for her.  
It was about what happened after.  
This was about the kid. The kid she knew for only hours, but was ready to die for.  
This whole thing was about Ed and Sophia. But he was too focused on his own shit to notice. But it didn't matter now. They were here now.

As the sun began to rise he could see fresh graves by the house, dried blood on the ground, on the tress, smeared on the door of the cabin.  
She had done enough. He wasn't going to just let her keep going, to punish herself.  
She didn't deserve it.

He thought to himself about the next move, chewing his lip and squeezing his gun,  
"Fine"  
She seemed to relax as he apparently gave in, to let her have her way.  
"Let me check, ok. Please just stay here. I'll come back" she looked over his shoulder and agreed. Thinking he was clearing the way for her.  
He let his hand run down her arm, felt his fingers tangle into hers before he let them go and left her side.

He snuck up past the dead body on the ground and peaked through a crack in the curtains, he couldn't see much, but he could make out a body the couch.

He looked back into the forest, to see her in the same spot he had left her. Noticing she was distracted by a walker, he waited for her to take her eyes off him to kill it. This was his shot and he was going to take it.

This was the right thing to do, even if she hated him for it.

He sucked in a deep breath and moved quickly and quietly up the stairs to the front door, taking the bloody handle and slowly twisting it.

He could hear her behind him but it didn't matter, she was too far away.

He opened the door to see the man was asleep in front of him, feeling the sweat forming on his brow. Every bit of him burnt with a rage he never knew existed, or thought one person could contain without exploding.

The man was huge, twice his own size. He was sleeping soundly, wearing a tattered flannel shirt that was covered in dirt and blood. Daryl could hear a ringing in his ears, he wanted to unleash everything he had on to him but he knew he didn't have the time. This wasn't about him, this was about her. He didn't wake as Daryl made his way across the room, not until he had the gun pressed firmly to his temple.

The man's eyes sprung open in time to look at Daryl before they darted across the room to Carol, seeing her make her way through the front door.

He pulled the trigger and closed his eyes as the blood splashed up onto his face.

"Mark?"  
He heard the man's voice yell from behind the partially closed door and he instantly stormed over.

He felt Carol pull at him, trying to stop him as he kicked the door open. His gun raised, ready to shoot.

The man lay in the bed with his leg wrapped up in bloody rags, with nothing but a knife in his hand.

Carol pushed him aside and Daryl watched the man's face turn when he saw her.

The man lifted his body up, gripping his thigh.  
The prick was stunned.  
Searching her body up and down in disbelief.

"You, fucking bitch".  
Before the man could finish Daryl stepped at him, ready to launch when he felt her pulling him back with everything she had.

"Dam it Daryl stop. Just stop", He turned to look at her and see the tears she was struggling to hold back all this time, had finally won. They spilled onto her cheeks and the sight of them paralysing him.

Her hands were the only thing holding him in place. He easily could have moved her aside, but the feeling of her palms shaking into his muscles were freezing him in place.  
The prick kept yelling out to her, making him grind his teeth together until his jaw hurt. He released a vicious growl as he called her a bitch once more.  
"That's it. Carol. Out"  
He hated the tone of his voice and the fact he could hardly hear her over the insults being thrown at her. He wasn't sure if it was some sick attempt to intimidate her, or maybe he just knew it was over and wanted to let her know he didn't give a fuck. Either way it was pushing him off the edge into a part of himself that he couldn't identify.

She stood between them, shaking her head furiously, gripping his arms tightly stopping him from moving forward.  
"You don't have to do this. I can. I can do it" She looked so shattered and tired, like her body was finally giving in. She didn't want to be here, in this room or near that monster. She didn't want to fight or kill. But she was forcing herself. He could see in her eyes; her instincts were telling her to run, but she planted her feet into the ground.

"You're going to hell with me. You hear me, you fucking whore" The man's voice called out to her loudly, cutting her off as she tried to convince Daryl to leave.  
He watched Carol flinch at the sound of the pricks raised voice. He stepped forward without thinking. Moving her with him. Wanting to at least shut him up, so he could fucking hear her out. That's when he looked down at the man's boots.  
As soon as he saw the markings on the sole of his shoe, he knew exactly who the man was.

He looked back at Carol who was suddenly quiet and motionless in front of him, knowing he had realised who the man was.

His chest heaved and he could feel his hands shaking as the adrenaline pumped through his veins, stronger than it ever had before.

He couldn't stop himself from thinking about this piece of shit putting his hands on her, grabbing her and dragging her off. He wondered how she got away with only the injuries she had, when his huge hands could have broken her bones with a simple squeeze.  
He felt dead inside, everything got cold and hard, so much that an ache ran through every muscle as it tightened. There was nothing left that he recognised about himself. He didn't know what was happening to him or what he was going to do. But he did know he didn't want her to be around, to see it unfold.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her feet up off the ground, taking a few steps to the door, pushing her back into the other room. He quickly slammed the door closed and locked it behind him. Daryl heard her run back at it and watched the knob twist as she attempted to open it.

The man began bargaining behind him, but he didn't listen to a word, he didn't care about any plea he had to make. He wondered if the prick knew, the he only reason he was still alive, was because he hadn't decided how he was going to kill him yet.

The prick raced through arguments as Daryl slowly strolled through the dark room glaring at him. The man was scared, the fear was radiating of him and Daryl couldn't believe how much he was enjoying it.

He put his gun away and pulled out his knife and tapped it to the sole of the man's boot as he passed him. "You're the one who took her right?",  
The man glanced down to his boot as Daryl leapt forward and slapped the knife from the man's hand.

The prick's eyes darted back to Daryl as his only weapon hit the ground.  
"I didn't do anything to her",  
"What?" Daryl spat out in disgust, as the man became more and more distraught by the second. But he still talked like this was all a game, like she should just be happy she survived.

There was nothing he could say that would give him a chance to walk away from this. But it didn't shut him up.

"I didn't do anything to her"  
Daryl nodded in response as he paced slowly in the dark.  
"They weren't meant to take them out. They were drunk, they weren't thinking"  
Daryl's brow creased at the information. Trying to understand what the prick was talking about.  
"We just needed some girls to get supplies. She got away before anything even happened"  
Daryl's rage was quickly put on pause as he took in what he was hearing. He fell back a step and began shaking his head, while the sickening feeling flooded his body.

"You were gonna trade her?" Daryl's words fell out as nothing more than a cold whisper, and the man instantly realised that he had said to much.

"We didn't. Nothing happened" A rough tremble ran through his words no matter how hard he tried to keep his voice calm and forceful.

"Sounds like something was gonna happen" Daryl threatened, standing motionless in the dark room. "Sounds like it was gonna be your people or someone else's" he added taking a single step forward. The new information fuelling his fury, far past the point he had been at only minutes before.

Daryl noticed the man desperately trying to meet his gaze, trying to tug at something that didn't exist. Assuming he held a shred of understanding for the man's situation. But all it did was make things worse.

He took a few slow steps, until he was standing over him. He stood still, savouring the moment, watching the man panic and desperately try to move out of Daryl's way.  
"We needed to survive."  
Daryl spun the knifes grip in his hand, nodding.  
"How'd that work out for ya?"

He didn't give him a chance to answer, to try and justify what he they had done to her again, he couldn't bear the bullshit for a second more.

He didn't think he just let his arm drive down into the bandaged wound, making him yelp like a dying animal. Suddenly the prick was trying to move, trying to use what little energy he had left to escape.

He crawled onto the bed beside him and dragged him back onto the mattress, a cold growl erupting from his chest as he pulled his body towards him.  
He reached over and slowly twisted the knife out of his thigh. He didn't hesitate for a second, he drove it into the centre of his throat, listening as the moans quickly turned into nothing more than the sounds of gurgling.  
He could see the blood spitting out of the man's mouth and felt it hitting his skin as he continued pushing the blade in.  
He knew then, as his arm swung back and forth into the man's gut. This wasn't just for Carol.  
He wasn't doing this, so she didn't have to. Not this.  
This was for him.  
The wrath he unleashed on him was rooted into those hours he'd spent without her.

He wanted to kill the asshole, for every thought that went through his head while she was gone. For thinking everything he had with her wasn't worth more than some fucking supplies. For making him helpless and vulnerable again. For leaving him with nothing to do but run around in circles, wondering where she was and what they were dong to her.  
For wanting nothing more then to blow his own brains out. Just to stop the thoughts invading his mind.

He kept stabbing into him. His face. His stomach. His chest. Everywhere.  
He kept going long after the man stopped breathing. He didn't stop until his body gave out and forced him to catch his breath.

He finally looked at what he'd done, the sight making his weight fall back.

He stumbled of the bed, stepping away until his back hit the wall and he took in the body that he had left unrecognisable. His breaths were pumping through his chest harshly and he stood there for too long looking at the mangled corpse. A million thoughts racing through his mind until all he could think about was her.

He dragged his eyes off the mess and opened the door, realising she was gone. He looked around as he made his way through the small room, until he saw her sitting outside on the steps.

He noticed her head turn slightly as he came out, before she let it drift back down to her lap.

He was covered in blood and the shock running through his body, made his muscles twitch.  
He let out a heavy breath trying to calm down, to ashamed to look at her as he sat down beside her.

He couldn't even remember how tightly he had grabbed her or how hard he pushed her. He forced himself to look over at her lap expecting to see her gun in her hands. Instead she held her knife.  
Her tiny hands fiddled with the blade. He watched her thumb move back and forth, as if she was trying to remove a smudge he couldn't see.

"Did I hurt ya" he murmured, making her look up at him.  
"No" she answered quickly, as if she didn't want him to think it for a second longer.  
He could tell she wasn't lying, but he couldn't bring himself to look up after everything he just did.

Silence fell over him and he realised the anger had not only subsided, but it had completely vanished. Leaving him with nothing but the sadness and aching he had felt when he lost her.  
He watched her thumb continue to graze over the shiny blade, only thinking of one single thing, one question he wanted an answer to.

"What were ya gonna say" was all he could manage. He spoke quietly but the sound of his voice stung the silence and made her body jolt. Her features twisted for a second as she tried to register what he was saying.

"What?" she murmured. Her brow creasing, showing just how confused the question had made her.

"That morning before it happened. You were gonna say something to me" he watched her body become rigid and he felt her gaze fixed on him.  
He knew right then she remembered.  
"I just wanted to know what it was" he mumbled so quietly he wondered if she heard.  
"that I love you",  
The words being said aloud made freeze, realising that was the first time she had ever said it to him.  
"Why didn't you say it?" he questioned, wondering if he had done something to change her mind.  
"Because you already know" he automatically nodded in response.  
He did know. Of course, he knew that.  
But he wondered why he had to make it so hard for her to say. Like she thought the words scared him. Maybe they did before, though he couldn't remember why.

The silence became thick again, as he searched for the right words.

"I'm sorry Carol", he made himself look her in the eyes, she had earned that from him. Even if it hurt and he was embarrassed of how he must look.

"Why?"

He watched her brow furrow as she turned to face him. Not understanding how her eyes met his so easily. She looked at him as she always did, not like she just heard him viciously murder someone in the next room. She looked at him with the same compassion and understanding she always had.  
"You were right. I didn't want to be in there". Her words were soft and careful but they still surprised him.

"Not for that" he said gesturing to the cabin.

He wasn't sorry killing them before she had the chance. He wasn't sorry for tricking her, so he could make sure he got to them first. She had been through enough and no matter how disgusted with himself he was, there was no regret mixed into it. But when he thought about all the things he did want to apologise for, and found himself at a loss for where to start.

"I didn't want, …", was all that he could get out before he stopped himself.

He watched her examining him, her eyes full of concern he didn't deserve.

She put the blade down and reached over to him. His eyes were still focused on her face until felt a pull at his hand. He realised she was trying to ply the bloody knife from his grip.  
He didn't know he was still holding it, like he was ready to attack. The sight made his hand spring open, hating how it looked.

He watched as she slowly took the knife. As soon as it was gone he started rubbing his hands on his pants trying to get the blood off, but it seemed to just spread it out. Nervousness started to flood him, making him try harder to rid himself of the evidence.  
Suddenly her palm was pressed over his wrist. Stopping the rough movements.  
He watched her curl her fingers into his, covering her hand in blood. The other hand came up and moved the hair of his face, twisting the locks up behind his ear.  
" I didn't want you to be alone…" He admitted staring at her hand twisted into his. The shake in his body caused the words to vibrate out of his mouth but he couldn't stop it.  
He could feel her thumb lightly rubbing the spot on his neck where it rested, braking him down with each soft caress.  
" I didn't want you to think that I wasn't looking for you, that I wasn't thinking about you every second cause I was", before he could keep going her fingers hand slid from his neck to his lips, stopping any more words from falling out.

He was taken back by the small warm touch and the sweet smile that had grown on her mouth. He was still left speechless, wondering why she was looking at him like that. While he looked like this.  
"I thought you knew? I mean, you found me on the trail",  
He shook his head, trying to understand what she meant.

He felt her hand fall on to his thigh, squeezing it lightly and using it to pull herself closer to him.  
"I just ran. I didn't even know where I was. Then I found this barn and I saw your tracks. I saw which way your car was heading" she smiled as she moved her hands to his face.  
"you lead me home". She smiled warmly, placing her hand on his cheek, using the light pressure to enforce her words.  
"I wasn't alone." She leaned in even closer pulling her head to his, and running her hands over the side of his face, killing the ache, that he thought had cemented itself into his core forever.  
"I could see you all around me."

His chest released a heavy breath, as if his whole body was taking the information in. Without a second passing, he slid his hands slid around her waist and pulled her as close as he could.

He had to believe she was right, it was the only way to ease any of the pain caused. He had to tell himself that he was never alone and neither was she. Even when it really felt like they were.  
Every minute of it had stood for something in the end. Knowing they were wondering around in circles together, was all he had and he was going to cling to it

* * *

She stopped digging when he did, both dropping the shovels on the ground.  
He looked across to her when she didn't move. She was stuck starring at the hole. He knew she didn't want to do the next part, she just couldn't bring herself to say it.

He nodded to himself and turned slowly, leaving her standing there.

He pulled the blanket out of their truck and walked back over to Abigale's body. He laid the blanket out flat on the ground and opened the car door to find the girl, just as they had left her. Her sleeves were neatly folded over her wrists and her curly hair had been tucked behind her ears.  
He slid his hands under her body and pulled her form the car. He placed her gently on the blanket and started folding it around her.  
There was no easy fix and nothing he could say that could make this better. He knew that for sure because she would have said it when he couldn't bring Sophia back to her.

Carol helped him lower the body into the ground and stood back as he filled the grave in with dirt.  
Then they just sat there.  
Hours passed and he didn't say anything. This was for her, and he would stay there all night if that's what she wanted.  
As it started to get dark again she stood quietly and held her hand out for him. He was still covered in dried blood and she still didn't seem to care. He took the offer and let her help him to his feet so he could drive them home.  
She didn't say a word on the ride home. Not when Rick greeted them at the gates. Not even when they got into bed.

* * *

The following weeks were the hardest.

Once there was nothing left to occupy herself with, she had to deal with everything.

Some days she seemed so angry and frustrated, but she wouldn't tell him why.  
Then there were weeks when she hardly spoke. Days would pass and she barely said a word to him or anyone else, to the point where the silence was deafening. Some mornings she would wake and she seemed fine, until something ticked over in her mind that ruined the peace she was struggling to maintain.  
He didn't care how she acted. Not one bit of it frustrated him. He never once tried to make her talk when she didn't want to, he didn't crowd her if she wanted to avoid him all day.  
He just had to remind himself of the night he had sat with her in the car, wishing she would stop trying to block everything out. Everything that happened after that night was all her, she was willingly exposing everything that was stirring inside and he was going to let her feel it.

It was different to how they were before,  
they were different, and he knew it would probably never be how it was.

But that was ok. He could easily accept that.

* * *

Months had passed and he found he could make her laugh once again.  
Before now, he had forgotten how easy and satisfying it was to do.

He pulled the sheet back, then quickly stepped into the cell when he realised she wasn't wearing a shirt.  
He'd stood leaning against the doorframe, just watching her. She was bent over, wearing nothing but her jeans and a bra, scavenging through a pile of clothes.  
He took note of how messy the cell was, smiling as she tossed things around the room, no doubt looking for her shirt.  
She grabbed another handful of clothes and threw them onto the bed.  
"That doesn't go there" he said quietly with a smirk.  
Her head turned, realising she had an audience. Without skipping a beat, she grabbed the first thing she could see and threw it at him. He caught the boot and smiled as she stood up.  
"How am I supposed to get ready when I can't find anything" she complained, a frustrated laugh escaping her lips as she looked around at the mess he had made.  
He raised an eyebrow and walked toward her, looking her up and down as he got closer,  
"guess it depends what you're getting ready for". The suggestion in his tone was clear and he enforced it by grabbing her hips and pulling her body up against his. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and started kissing her neck. He slid his hand to the front of her stomach and started unbuttoning her jeans.  
"They're waiting one me" she argued but made no attempts to move from his grasps.  
"Let em wait" he said as he began moving her back towards the bed.  
She didn't need any more convincing than that.

* * *

It had been at least a year. He couldn't remember exactly. Days went by quickly and he was lost in a repetitive routine, that made the months blur together.

He woke in the hot stuffy cell with her hot moist skin stuck to his. His face was pressed into her neck, that he had started kissing, before he had fully woken up.

She quietly moaned in response to him shifting his body so he was on top of her, following his lead by sliding her body under his body. He smiled as his lips finally made it up to her mouth and her hands ran over his chest and around his neck, pulling all his weight down on her.  
"Daryl you ready to go?" Rick called from down the hall. He pulled his lips back from hers to look at her smiling up at him.  
"I'll see you when you get back" he said before kissing her once more and lifting his body out of bed. Rick yelled again, when he didn't get a response, making his eyes roll. "I'm comin" he yelled out, trying not to sound annoyed.  
Carol let out a light laugh, "Well, maybe later" she said watching him pull his pants up.  
"Stop."

* * *

He finished loading the cars with Rick and Michonne getting ready to leave for a run when she caught his eye. She stood alone, getting ready to start breakfast. He chewed his lip for a moment watching her, before he chucked his crossbow into the backseat.

She made her way around the grill with a large tray. He got to her as she put it on the ground, watching her spot his shoes approaching. She looked up with a surprised grin covering her face, "Forget something?" she said rising to her feet, squinting at him through the glaring sunlight.  
He didn't say anything, he opened his mouth but nothing came out.  
. She paused, taking in his nervous expression, as he moved closer than he usually did around so many people  
Her head shook slightly, trying to understand what he was doing when he slowly reached out and took her hand. He got lost in her blue eyes and forgot about the dozens of people around them as he leaned down, slowly pressing his lips to hers for a long moment. He could feel eyes on him and he wouldn't expect anything else. But he didn't expect her to blush and bite her lip as he pulled away, as if she was trying to control the smile from completely covering her face.

"Love you"


End file.
